


Growing up is a Trap

by someonehelpme



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Superboy (Comics)
Genre: Friendship, Multi, No editing we die like mne, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-05-19 22:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14882291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonehelpme/pseuds/someonehelpme
Summary: the mom friend: I need a new superhero name.the mom friend: Ideas?timtam: Super (Teen) Boyblundergirl: The Inhuman Disasterbrat: Amazing Dudeblundergirl: Stupidboythe mom friend: You guys suck.Kon starts a group chat with Cassie, Tim, and Bart. Mistakes are made.Now translated into Russian by the amazing rRichard! https://ficbook.net/readfic/7953783





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Warning: I have no idea what I'm doing. I apologize for everything.

Conner created _core4_

Conner added _Tim, Bart, and Cassie_

 

_Core4_

_[1:14 pm]_

 

 **Conner:** sup peasants

 **Conner:** so I had an idea

 **Cassie:** someone call the newspapers

 **Conner:** shut up cassie

 **Conner:** I want to see you guys more and I made this group chat so we can plan something

 **Conner:** I feel like we haven’t seen each other since…

 **Bart:** You died and tim went on a suicide mission?

 **Conner:** Yeah that

 **Tim:** It wasn’t a suicide mission.

 **Cassie:** sure it wasn’t

 **Tim:** It was an I don’t care if I do die mission.

 **Cassie:** and there it is

 **Tim:** A idciiddm if you will.

 **Bart:** :(((

 **Conner:** for that lovely thought tim should pay for pizza

 **Bart:** :))))

 **Tim:** Why me?

 **Conner:** your loaded

 **Tim:** *you’re

 **Conner:** and a asshole, so you should pay

 **Tim:** Sounds reasonable.

 **Bart:** can we order in and have a movie night?

 **Cassie:** YES

 **Bart:** then we can order lots of pizza and eat as much as we want

 **Tim:** We should order from different places so they don’t get suspicious.

 **Conner:** where should we hold it?

 **Tim:** We can do it at my apartment. That way I don’t have to leave my house.

 **Cassie:** lazy

 **Tim:** The rest of you can either fly or run faster than a plane. I am perfectly happy being lazy.

 **Bart:** can I bring my pajama pants?

 **Tim:** I will not let you in if you don’t show up in pajamas.

 **Bart:** YES!!!!

 **Cassie:** everyone bring snacks?

 **Conner:** this Friday work for everyone?

 **Tim:** yes to both

 **Tim:** I am willing to pay if you bring pie.

 **Conner:** like Ma will let me leave the house without one

 **Bart:** what about me?

 **Conner:** what about you?

 **Bart:** I want pie

 **Conner:** I’ll ask her to make one for you

 **Bart:** :D

 

 

_[2:38 am]_

 

 **Bart:** Do you think birds have feelings?

 **Cassie:** bart it’s two am please go to sleep

 **Tim:** I can assure you, birds don’t have feelings beside angry. Case in point, Robin.

 **Cassie:** tim why are you awake

 **Tim:** stake out

 **Tim:** why are you awake

 **Bart:** I can’t sleep

 **Cassie:** Bart woke me up

 **Bart:** anyway who are you staking out

 **Tim:** Penguin is planning something. It involves an obscene amount of birthday candles and party hats.

 **Tim:** So usual Gotham bullshit. Entertain me.

 **Cassie:** I’m going back to bed

 **Tim:** night

 **Bart:** good night!

 **Bart:** sooooo

 **Bart:** in a zombie apocalypse, how do want to die?

 **Tim:** Old age

 **Bart:** That’s cheating

 **Tim:** Fine. I want to die with a bomb strapped to me, taking down a warlord who has captured you, Kon, and Cassie. It will be very dramatic. It was a hard decision but not only did it rescue you guys, but it also saved a bunch of orphans.

 **Tim:** I want to go out in a blaze of glory

 **Bart:** Cool! I want to die eating ice cream

 **Tim:** like the ice cream is poisoned or something?

 **Bart:** no, like a sniper takes me out because I’m too busy enjoying ice cream

 **Tim:** Why?

 **Bart:** in the zombie apocalypse there is no ice cream. So if I see ice cream, I’ll have to make a choice. Is the chance that I’ll fulfill my wish of dying while eating ice cream worth the sweet, creamy goodness?

 **Tim:** you probably choose the ice cream

 **Bart:** yeah well

 **Bart:** let’s give everyone nicknames?

 **Tim:** changing the subject? You know, someday you are going to are going to die because you ate the wrong thing

 **Tim:** but that’s a conversion for another day

 **Tim:** You get me and Conner, I’ll take you and Cassie.

 **Bart:** give me a minute to think

 **Tim:** ready?

_Bart changed Conner’s name to the mom friend_

_Bart changed Tim’s name to idrinktomuchcoffee_

**idrinktomuchcoffee:** really

 **Bart:** I couldn’t think of anything else!

_Idrinktomuchcoffee changed Bart’s name to brat_

_Idrinktomuchcoffee changed Cassie’s name to blundergirl_

**brat:** she’s going to kill you

 **idrinktomuchcoffee:** I welcome death

 **brat:** please tell me that’s a joke

 **brat:** I know last year or so was hard on all of us but you had it the hardest with…

 **brat:** I just want you to know that if you need to talk

 **brat:** I mean if

 **idrinktomuchcoffee:** yeah it’s just a joke. Last year sucked and, to be honest, I’m still not over… everything, but I am in a better place now. You guys being here has helped a lot. 

 **idrinktomuchcoffee:** …

 **idrinktomuchcoffee:** My name is too long.

 **brat:** I’ll change it

 **brat:** but if you ever need anything

 **idrinktomuchcoffee:** then I’ll try to remember that I have friends who care and talk to them

 **brat:** that’s all I ask

_brat changed idrinktomuchcoffee’s name to timtam_

**timtam:** what is a timtam

 **brat:** it’s a type of cookie

 **timtam:** I can live with this.

 **timtam:** shit penguins on the move ttyl

 **brat:** night!

 

_[9:08]_

 

 **the mom friend:** morning everyone!

 **the mom friend:** the fuck is up with my name

 **brat:** I picked it out!

 **the mom friend:** wth

 **the mom friend:** why

 **brat:** you always make sure I eat and go to bed on time, you are probably the most responsible of the four of us, and you can cook.

 **brat:** you’re the mom friend

 **blundergirl:** he does have a point

 **blundergirl:** nevermind who changed my name?!

 **brat:** tim!

 **timtam:** you called?

 **blundergirl:** I’m going to kill you

 **timtam:** you can try

 **timtam:** aren’t you guys supposed to be at school?

 **brat:** this class is sooo boring

 **blundergirl:** I have study hall.

 **the mom friend:** I’m in class but my teacher doesn’t care

 **blundergirl:** what about you Mr high school dropout

 **timtam:** I believe you mean Mr CEO of a billion dollar company

 **timtam:** I’m in a meeting right now. But it’s just a bunch of old guys talking so I don’t need to pay attention.

 **the mom friend:** I still don’t know why they let a high school dropout run WE

 **timtam:** The board of directors think I’m naïve and easy to control.

 **brat:** what???

 **blundergirl:** you’re kidding, right?

 **timtam:** Nope! But don’t worry! I have some plans to rid myself of them. I want to replace most of the board with people who are younger, less white people and more hire more women to positions of power.

 **timtam:** You guys know Tam?

 **the mom friend:** your fiancé?

 **timtam:** shup up conner

 **timtam:** Anyway, she’s sort of my co-ceo/assistant and she is awesome. 

 **timtam:** She’s helping me plan The Revolution TM.

 **timtam:** shit gtg old dudes are watching

 **blundergirl:** I fully support getting rid of old men. They are the worst.

 **blundergirl:** So you guys know how I’m submitting my college applications now?

 **the mom friend:** College applications are the worst

 **blundergirl:** Yeah, but the college I want to go to has a 400 year old man guarding the forms I need to qualify for the school.

 **blundergirl:** He just sits there and promises that they’re all out of the forms and that he is certain they’ll be getting more soon. He refuses to check if there are any in the back or even look.

 **blundergirl:** I'm pretty sure if he tried to stand up, he would die.

 **blundergirl:** Deadlines are coming up and I’m worried I won’t make it in time.

 **brat:** this is I’m not taking courses in person. Now I don’t have to deal with evil old men. 

 **the mom friend:** I’m stressing about college. I don’t know where I want to go or what I want to do.

 **blundergirl:** I still need to raise my hand in order to go to the bathroom but they expect me to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life?

 **the mom friend:** I’m pretty sure that Tim’s the only one of us who actually has a plan

 **blundergirl:** Even if that plan seems to get worse by the day

 **brat:** At least he has a job!

 **brat:** I don’t have a clue what civilian job I could do.

 **brat:** I want to keep being Impulse, but other than that…

 **the mom friend:** I don’t even have my old name

 **the mom friend:** I need a new superhero name.

 **the mom friend:** Ideas?

 **timtam:** Super (Teen) Boy

 **blundergirl:** The Inhuman Disaster

 **brat:** Amazing Dude

 **blundergirl:** Stupidboy

 **the mom friend:** You guys suck.

 **brat:** even me?

 **the mom friend:** Less than the others, but Amazing Dude is a truly horrible name

 **timtam:** For real, I was going to suggest Solis since the sun is where you get your powers, but that’s taken.

 **the mom friend:** really, by who?

 **timtam:** this guy a really long time ago, in some timeline or another, went by the name Lightray. His real name was Solis.

 **timtam:** but he’s dead and probably won’t fight you for the name.

 **the mom friend:** well that makes me feel better.

 **brat:** Is you’re meeting over?

 **timtam:** No, but I just need to look vaguely interested and nod from time to time.

 **timtam:** you could also use Helios or something

 **the mom friend:** you’re really stuck on the sun idea aren’t you?

 **timtam:** Maybe I’m just tired of the same theme. I mean Superman, Superboy, Supergirl, and I’m pretty sure there was a Superwoman at one point or another. It just gets repetitive.

 **timtam:** Be a rebel! Break the social norms!

 **brat:** wait, Helios is the Titan of the sun in greek mythology.

 **brat:** Cassie, is he real?

 **blundergirl:** I think so

 **blundergirl:** But he also probably won’t fight you for the name

 **blundergirl:** What about Tredecim?

 **timtam:** That’s Latin for thirteen?

 **blundergirl:** And he was lucky experiment thirteen.

 **brat:** Cassie!

 **timtam:** I also like Saros.

 **the mom friend:** Saros sounds the best out of all of them besides Solis. I don’t know if I want go by a dead man’s name.

 **timtam:** but you are a dead man?

 **the mom friend:** I was.

 **the mom friend:** now I’m alive again.

 **the mom friend:** and I don’t have a clue what to do with my life.

 **brat:** that’s one thing we all have in common

 **brat:** wait I just realized that half of this chat has been dead at one time or another

 

 

 


	2. Friday Night Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! They mean the world to me. Here's the next chapter!

 

**_[8:58 pm]_ **

 

**blundergirl:** I need an alibi.

**brat:** who did you kill?

**the mom friend:** did they deserve it?

**timtam:** stay calm, you have the right to get a lawyer. I’ll wire you bail money.

**blundergirl:** Not that kind of alibi.

**blundergirl:** I just need one of you to tell Wonder Woman I’m with you

**the mom friend:** do you want me to take a picture like you took it?

**blundergirl:** That would be awesome

**the mom friend:** here

**the mom friend: [image sent]**

**blundergirl:** You’re a life saver

**brat:** I’m amazed your willing to help lie to Wonder Woman

**the mom friend:** Yeah, why are you lying to her?

**blundergirl:** She wants me to babysit Titan’s Tower and the baby heroes

**blundergirl:** The new robin and superboy are both there

**blundergirl:** I really don’t want to fight with them right now.

**the mom friend:** oh

**timtam:** Knowing Damian, he’ll probably insult you and then act surprised when you punch him.

**timtam:** Who is the new superboy anyway.

**the mom friend:** His name is Jon.

**the mom friend:** He’s superman and Lois’s bio son.

**brat:** what’s he like?

**the mom friend:** I don’t really know.

**the mom friend:** I haven’t spoken with him.

**the mom friend:** He seems nice?

**timtam:** He has an even worse costume than you.

**timtam:** Although the cape is cute.

**blundergirl:** He looks a bit like a Superboy fanboy who stole some curtains to make a cape.

**timtam:** Seriously though, Conner. Your “costume” is awful.

**timtam:** Whenever you decide you want a better costume than a stupid t-shirt and jeans, talk to us.

**the mom friend:** so things I need are:

**the mom friend:** New name

**the mom friend:** New costume

**the mom friend:** A place to live

**the mom friend:** A job

**the mom friend:** And a college to attend

**brat:** aren’t you living in Smallville?

**the mom friend:** Yeah, but I don’t want to live with Ma and Pa forever

**the mom friend:** Smallville is nice and all, but…

**blundergirl:** I know how you feel.

**blundergirl:** I want to make my way in the world without my mom.

**blundergirl:** She’s really supportive and I want to prove I can survive being both an adult and a hero

**blundergirl:** I also kinda want to move out and go to college

**blundergirl:** But the dorms are so expensive and tiny

**blundergirl:** why are they trying to charge thousands of dollars for a closet?

**brat:** try to explain to your roommate why your sneaking out for superhero business 

**brat:** they‘re going to think you have a secret boyfriend.

**the mom friend:** do you have a secret boyfriend?

**blundergirl:** Yes

**blundergirl:** It’s Tim

**timtam:** I’m sorry Conner. This isn’t the way I wanted you to find out

**the mom friend:** My best friend is dating my ex-girlfriend?

**the mom friend:** I can’t believe that you would both betray me like this.

**the mom friend:** And Tim? I’m telling fiancée . 

**timtam:** No please!

**timtam:** Tam would leave me and I could never survive without her!

**the mom friend:** It is too late!

**the mom friend:** She now knows everything about you and Cassie’s torrid affair!

**the mom friend:** She says to tell you she’s moving back to her mother’s.

**timtam:** But she still lives with her parents?

**the mom friend:** irrelevant

 

**_[3:57 pm]_ **

****

**timtam:** Conner. As it is now Friday, I feel obligated to remind you that no pie means no entrance.

**brat:** I am on my way!

**timtam:** Can I ask you to pick up some of the pizzas?

**brat:** Sure! Where are they?

**timtam:** I ordered five pepperonis, four cheese, one vegetable, two sausage, three Hawaiians, and seven meatlovers from three different restaurants.

**timtam:** Does that sound like enough for everyone?

**blundergirl:** Tim, you are awesome

**the mom friend:** who wanted the Hawaiian? Ugh, pineapple. 

**blundergirl:** Uh, me?

**the mom friend:** I can’t believe we ever dated.

**blundergirl:** Conner, you lived in Hawaii

**the mom friend:** doesn’t mean I don’t have taste buds.

**the mom friend:** fruit doesn’t belong on pizza!

**brat:** Tomatoes?

**blundergirl:** What about them?

**brat:** They count as a fruit

**the mom friend:** Not right now they don’t.

**the mom friend:** OK so who agrees that pineapple is horrendous and who is wrong

**blundergirl:** I like it!

**the mom friend:** Cassie is dead to me, next

**brat:** I like all food!

**timtam:** My favorite type of pizza is Canadian bacon and artichoke hearts.

**the mom friend:** …

**brat:** …

**blundergirl:** Tim, sweetie

**the mom friend:** We may not agree on pineapple…

**blundergirl:** But we all agree Tim is wrong

**brat:** I guess I don’t like all food, after all.

**timtam:** I’m paying for it, so I can eat whatever I want

**blundergirl:** As your friends, it is our job to point out your bad life choices.

**brat:** Like refusing to go to bed for three days

**the mom friend:** or eating an entire bag of marshmallows

**blundergirl:** Or calling Batman “Bitchman” to his face.

**timtam:** I was on lethal amounts of painkiller and you know it.

**timtam:** Also, Bart got here five minutes ago and if either of you want any food…

**blundergirl:** On my way!

**the mom friend:** I have the pies in hand

**timtam:** good

 

**_[10:14 pm]_ **

****

**_Cassie - > _ _Conner_ **

**Cassie:** Hey

**Conner:** Why are you texting me? We’re in the same room

**Cassie:** Tim and Bart have finally fallen asleep, I don’t want to wake them.

**Conner:** Oh

**Conner:** So what’s up?

**Cassie:** Conner, you know I loved you a lot

**Cassie:** You are still one of my closest friends and I care about you

**Conner:** I sense a ‘but’ coming…

**Cassie:** You know it’s okay to move on

**Cassie:** I…

**Cassie:** I see the way you look at Tim.

**Conner:** How do I look at Tim?

**Cassie:** You look at him like he's hung the moon.

**Conner:** No I don’t.

**Cassie:** Don’t deny it. Anyone can see it.

**Cassie:** It’s okay to fall in love again.

**Conner:** Cassie…

**Conner:** I may have care about Tim, but he’s my best friend

**Conner:** It’s not like I think about him constantly. Admittedly, he’s cute and I like making him smile

**Conner:** Not to mention how he laughs with his whole body

**Conner:** But he’s a nerd who is far too passionate about Star Wars and Dnd

**Conner** : even if it’s kinda adorable when he rambles on about fan theories and such

**Conner:** And I have never once fantasized about kissing him under the stars and…

**Conner:** Oh shit

**Conner:** I’m in love with Tim

**Cassie:** You’re only just now figuring that out?!!!

**Conner:** oh my god

**Conner:** I

**Conner:** Cassie what do I do?

**Cassie:** I have no idea!

**Cassie:** Calm down!

**Cassie:** If you keep wiggling you’re going to wake Bart and I’ll tell him you woke him from his well-earned rest because you didn’t know how to deal with a crush.

**Conner:** Cassie, you can’t tell Tim anything

**Cassie:** What are you going to tell him?

**Conner:** Nothing

**Cassie:** Nothing??!!

**Conner:** Yep. I’m going to pretend this never happened.

**Cassie:** you can’t just erase the fact you’re in love with him

**Conner:** I’m going to repress everything

**Conner:** It will be just like before I realized but it will now make sense why I notice stupid things like his eyelashes.

**Cassie:** You noticed his eyelashes?

**Conner:** You haven’t?

**Cassie:** Point.

**Cassie:** He is unfairly pretty.

**Conner:** Cassie

**Cassie:** Conner

**Conner:** I…

**Cassie:** I loved you too.

**Cassie:** But we were never going to work.

**Cassie:** I’m pretty sure you were in love with him, even while you were dating me.

**Conner:** I don’t know.

**Conner:** This doesn’t change the fact that I did love you.

**Conner:** You're still one of my best friends.

**Cassie:** I know.

**Conner:** I wasn’t trying to hurt you.

**Conner:** I loved you then and I love you now.

**Conner:** But…

**Cassie:** I understand

**Cassie:** Love is confusing.

**Cassie:** Just because you loved me then, it doesn’t mean that you can’t love him now.

**Cassie:** We were both too young and immature to realize that we are better as friends.

**Cassie:** I support you one hundred percent, no matter what.

**Conner:** Thank you, Cassie.

**Cassie:**...

**Cassie:** You know I kissed him once?

**Conner:** oh god

**Conner:** I remember you telling me that

**Conner:** Now I know why I was so jealous.

**Conner:** I didn’t understand why I felt so upset, when I wasn’t mad at either of you.

**Cassie:** He’s a good kisser

**Conner:** Don’t do this to me.

**Cassie:** A very good kisser

**Cassie:** When you guys get married, I want to be a bridesmaid

**Conner:** Cassie don’t you dare

**Cassie:** Whelp, I’m tired! Goodnight, ex-boyfriend!

**Conner:** Goodnight, Cassie.

 

**_[10:48 am]_ **

**brat:** Do you think Tim is ever going to wake up?

**the mom friend:** Yes

**the mom friend:** We just need a bucket of ice water and an escape route

**blundergirl:** Don’t you dare

**brat:** he’ll kill us all

**brat:** and he’s practically in a mini-coma right now, why are we texting?

**blundergirl:** Do you really want to risk it?

**brat:** Point

**brat:** Let’s raid his kitchen!

**blundergirl:** we already ate a bunch of donuts

**the mom friend:** And?

**brat:** he has marshmallows, ice cream, coffee, ramen, and takeout.

**blundergirl:** That’s it?

**brat:** he also has some relish and… beer?

**blundergirl:** Tim!

**brat:** never mind

**brat:** It’s labeled “Drink and die –Jason :)

**brat:** Who’s Jason?

**the mom friend:** assuming it’s not Jason Blood

**the mom friend:** then it’s probably the Red Hood

**blundergirl:** You mean the guy that’s tried to kill Tim MULTIBLE TIMES!

**the mom friend:** Yeah

**the mom friend:** I don’t like it, but Tim seems to have forgiven him

**brat:** He’s always doing that.

**blundergirl:** Doing what?

**brat:** Forgiving people, even if they don’t deserve it.

**blundergirl:** I guess that’s true

**the mom friend:** I’m going to trust Tim. He has good instincts.

**the mom friend:** But I’m going to be petty and not trust the Red Hood until I get proof he’s okay.

**blundergirl:** Of course you will.

**brat:** Tim needs more groceries.

**brat:** I think when he wakes up, we should take him shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any suggestions about where they should go shopping, user names, or anything else, please comment and tell me! If there is any problems with the story, it's my fault and please point it out. Thank you for reading!


	3. The Shopping Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Team goes shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for so long, my summer class was getting really time consuming. But here's an extra long chapter to make up for the wait! Again, I have no beta, so all mistakes are mine. Thank you for reading!

**_core4_ **

**_[12:19 pm]_ **

**brat:** I’m hungry.

**blundergirl:** We just ate.

**blundergirl:** again

**blundergirl:** We’ve had two breakfasts already

**brat:** Your point?

**the mom friend:** Cassie, don’t text and drive.

**brat:** Hypocrite

**the mom friend:** Tim’s the one driving our car.

**the mom friend:** why are we driving again?

**the mom friend:** Half of this group can literally fly.

**brat:** Cassie says to tell you that she intends to do a lot of shopping and we’ll need the room for groceries. 

**brat:** She also says we will be buying him proper clothes, furniture, and other necessities.

**brat:** She is very offended by his apartment

**the mom friend:** The apartment does look like a show home

**the mom friend:** Tim says to say that his house is fine

**the mom friend:** He also wants to know where we are heading

**the mom friend:** Well, he said that he needs directions and I’m the worst backseat driver he’s ever met and we better be there soon or he will drive us off the nearest bridge.

**the mom friend:** But anyway.

**brat:** What did you do to annoy him

**the mom friend:** I have a good taste in music, that’s what.

**blundergirl:** No.

**blundergirl:** No, you don’t.

**blundergirl:** We’re close, about five more minutes.

 

 

**_[12:26 pm]_ **

 

**timtam:** Costco.

**timtam:** I’m literally a multi-millionaire.

**timtam:** Why are we at Costco?

**blundergirl:** You need a lot of food.

**timtam:** Okay, however

**blundergirl:** Nope.

**blundergirl:** We’re going to split up.

**blundergirl:** Kon, I want you on food.

**blundergirl:** Bart, you’re on junk food.

**blundergirl:** I’ll take clothes.

**blundergirl:** Tim…

**blundergirl:** Do whatever

**timtam:** I don’t even know what is in Costco

**brat:** WHAT!

**timtam:** I’m rich.

**timtam:** Even when I was a kid, I just ordered stuff online or bought it at a local mom and pop store

**timtam:** I’ve always want to go

**the mom friend:** Well, Tim. This is going to be a learning experience.

**brat:** They have everything!

**timtam:** I’m slightly overwhelmed

**timtam:** Why do they have so much of stuff

**timtam:** Like, they don’t even have just a lot of stuff, but they have so much

**timtam:** They have a restaurant?

**brat:** Do you like cheese puffs?

**brat:** nevermind I’m going to going to get them anyway.

**timtam:** I’m in the food section too.

**timtam:** Coffee.

**timtam:** They have so much coffee.

**timtam:** I love it here.

**timtam:** Bart, marshmallows. Please, I beg of you, get me the biggest bag of marshmallows you can find

**timtam:** Why are people offering me food.

**timtam:** This seems sketchy

**blundergirl:** They’re free samples

**blundergirl:** steal some for me

**timtam:** they have little sausages on toothpicks

**blundergirl:** excellent I’ll take ten

**timtam:** Where are you?

**blundergirl:** In the makeup and hair section

**timtam:** just a minute

**blundergirl:** where are you?

**blundergirl:** you’re lost, aren’t you?

**timtam:** …

**timtam:** no

**the mom friend:** I’m in the food isles and they have cakes

**the mom friend:** would you object to me buying, like, twelve cakes

**the mom friend:** please

**the mom friend:** they look so good

**timtam:** Be my guest

**timtam:** If any of you find something you want, buy it

**timtam:** As long as it’s in the store

**timtam:** No shopping on Amazon

**blundergirl:** Tim, I’m buying you headbands and some elastics.

**blundergirl:** your hair is getting too long

**the mom friend:** I think it looks good

 

 

**_Cassie - > Conner_ **

 

**Cassie:** You have the subtlety of an elephant

**Conner:** shut up

 

 

**_core4_ **

**timtam:** Thank you, Conner.

**timtam:** Cassie, please exercise restraint.

**blundergirl:** but you just said

**timtam:** hush

**blundergirl:** I’m going to put your hair in pigtails

**blundergirl:** I bet it’s long enough for me to braid

**brat:** Can you braid my hair?

**blundergirl:** Probably?

**the mom friend:** we should have a spa day

**timtam:** I’m sorry, what?

**the mom friend:** Braiding hair sounds like a spa day

**brat:** you're making excuses

**the mom friend:** And?

**the mom friend:** Cassie and I did one once and it was fun

**the mom friend:** She painted my nails

**blundergirl:** Conner tried to braid my hair

**blundergirl:** I almost had to cut it all off

**the mom friend:** It wasn’t that bad

**blundergirl:** Yes it was

**blundergirl:** You weren’t even trying to do something fancy

**the mom friend:** Your hair is too long

**blundergirl:** Don’t blame me for your distinct lack of hair braiding skills

**blundergirl:** But a spa day sounds good to me

**the mom friend:** Does anyone object?

**timtam:** I can see if someone can cover my patrol.

**timtam:** But if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right.

**timtam:** What do we need?

**blundergirl:** We should get a movie, snacks, facemasks, nail polish, and cucumbers for our eyes

**blundergirl:** Maybe lotion?

**brat:** I’ll grab nail polish!

**the mom friend:** I’m still in the food isle, so I’ll pick up some snacks and stuff for facemasks

**blundergirl:** Can’t we just buy facemasks?

**the mom friend:** But making them will be fun

**timtam:** Grab some ice cream sundae supplies too

**brat:** YES

**brat:** I want chunky monkey

**brat:** A lot of it

**the mom friend:** It costs a lot?

**timtam:** Millionaire?

**timtam:** And I want something with chocolate

**the mom friend:** I’m buying some of those big buckets of ice cream

**the mom friend:** Any requests for toppings?

**blundergirl:** just don’t forget cherries and I’ll be fine

**brat:** They have so many colors of nail polish

**timtam:** Get red, blue, yellow, and black

**blundergirl:** I want turquoise

**brat:** Got it!

**brat:** Cassie, can you pick a movie?

**blundergirl:** Suggestions?

**the mom friend:** Something happy

**timtam:** The Greatest Showman or a Disney movie?

**blundergirl:** The Greatest Showman sounds good to me

**brat:** Let’s watch Wolverine and Troy sing a duet!

**brat:** We should buy more pillows!

**brat:** Tim, you don’t have enough pillows

**timtam:** Grab some fuzzy blankets while you’re at it

**the mom friend:** I love spending your money.

**brat:** I found a stuffed animal section!!!

**brat:** they have giant plush teddy bears!

**brat:** They’re bigger than me!

**the mom friend:** that’s not saying much

**brat:** OKAY RUDE

**brat:** Tim, we need them

**timtam:** how big are they?

**brat:** the container says 93 inches

**the mom friend:** WHAT

**blundergirl:** I kinda want one now

**the mom friend:** me too

**timtam:** Get one for each of us

**brat:** Mine shall be named Earl Edgar

**blundergirl:** ?

**the mom friend:** I’ll call mine Jimothy James

**blundergirl:** Fine, I’ll name mine Ferguson

**timtam:** Bernard

**timtam:** But it’s pronounced “ba-NARRD” in an accent of your choice

**brat:** I need four carts just for them

**brat:** Employees are giving me strange looks

**the mom friend:** I should mention I have three carts of food. And I grab a lot of giant sized Nutella containers.

**brat:** I have a cart of junk food, the carts for the bears, sixteen bottles of nail polish, and lots of pillows and blankets

**brat:** and these

**brat:** [MARSHMALLOWS](https://www.costcobusinessdelivery.com/Clown-Miniature-White-Marshmallows%2C-5-%5blbs.product.10193426.html)

**timtam:** …

**timtam:** It’s so perfect I might cry

**the mom friend:** you are going to get diabetes if you eat that whole bag

**brat:** I grabbed five of them

**blundergirl:** that’s 25 pounds of marshmallows!

**timtam:** Bart, you’re my favorite

**brat:** HA! Take that Kon!

**the mom friend:** your best friend status has been revoked

**blundergirl:** I grabbed some clothes I thought you’d like, an actually cute pair of pajamas for me, and lots of hair stuff

**blundergirl:** I have bobby pins, headbands, elastics, you name it, I got it

**timtam:** I got coffee supplies, a toaster, six laptops, a TV, and I ordered some furniture from a store I trust.

**timtam:** I’m not going to buy furniture from a warehouse.

**blundergirl:** Why do you need six laptops?

**timtam:** I need spare parts for a project I’m working on

**the mom friend:** And the toaster?

**timtam:** I kinda blew up my last one

**the mom friend:** How??

**timtam:** Lemons

**the mom friend:** nevermind

**brat:** To the checkout!

**blundergirl:** I want to go to one other store after this

 

 

**_[2:03 pm]_ **

 

**_Red Hood and the Lesser Beings_ **

 

**redrobinYUM:** Can one of you cover my patrol?

**spoileralert:** Are you okay?

**spoileralert:** Tim, are you hurt?

**spoileralert:** Where are you?

**redrobinYUM:** I’m fine, Steph.

**redrobinYUM:** I just need someone to take care of patrol.

**Favorite child:** I can

**redrobinYUM:** Thank you Cass.

**redrobinYUM:** This is why you are the favorite.

**Favorite child:** :-)

**spoileralert:** Yeah, the smiley faces look really weird with nose.

**Favorite child:** :-(

**Favorite child:** Tim, you are safe?

**redrobinYUM:** YES

**redrobinYUM:** Why do you guys keep asking?

**Zombie:** You rarely ever ask for someone to cover your patrol unless you’re severely injured

**spoileralert:** Sometimes not even then

**Zombie:** So, why the night off?

**redrobinYUM:** Something came up at work and Tam needs me to stay late.

**Favorite child:** Lie

**redrobinYUM:** What?

**Favorite child:** You are lieing

**Favorite child:** lying?

**spoileraler** t: lying :D

**spoileralert:** But what makes you think that?

**redrobinYUM:** You can’t even read my body language

**Favorite child:** Just know.

**redrobinYUM:** Well, you’re wrong this time.

**Favorite child:** Lie

**Zombie:** Tell the truth

**Zombie:** What are you planning?

**redrobinYUM:** I’m going to kill Lex Luthor

**Zombie:** cool

**Favorite child:** Tell the truth

**redrobinYUM** : Or?

**Favorite child:** I tell Conner.

**redrobinYUM:** …

**spoileralert:** Superboy? That Conner?

**spoileralert:** Tell him what?

**Favorite child:** Tell me the truth or I’ll tell Conner.

**redrobinYUM:** you are no longer my favorite

**redrobinYUM:** Fine, Cassie, Bart, Conner, and I are going to have a “spa” day

**redrobinYUM:** Happy?

**Favorite child:** :-D

**spoileralert:** Aww, that sounds like fun!

**Favorite child:** Go. I shall cover your patrol.

**redrobinYUM:** Thanks, Cass

 

 

**_[2:06 pm]_ **

**the mom friend:** Cassie, I swear to GOD

**the mom friend:** You better want to go to that nail salon

**the mom friend:** SUPERmarket?

**the mom friend:** Why do you hate me?

**timtam:** I don’t see what’s so bad about it

**timtam:** It’s a store for superhero nerds

**timtam:** Has it personally offended you or something?

**the mom friend:** Just you wait until we’re inside.

**timtam:** Are you kidding??!!

**timtam:** This is AWESOME!

**the mom friend:** I forgot Tim is a superhero nerd

**brat:** I’m going to look at flash stuff bye

**timtam:** Okayokayokay

**timtam:** I’m want to see everything

**the mom friend:** I’ll stick with you

**blundergirl:** We have to be quick, we have ice cream in the trunk

**timtam:** I’ll be fast I promise!

**brat:** Do you think I could get away with Flash shoes in civvies

**blundergirl:** NO

**blundergirl:** Why not just tape a sign saying “I’M IMPULSE”

**brat:** FINE

**timtam:** They have little Red hood dolls

**timtam:** I’m buying some

**the mom friend:** I like how they have different sections for each of the Robins

**timtam:** Do they have any Steph merchandise?

**timtam:** Whatever they have, grab it.

**blundergirl:** I found a Lasso of Truth replica!

**timtam:** Put it in the cart and get the tiara if you see it

**timtam:** and the bracelets

**blundergirl:** They have Donna Troy stuff

**blundergirl:** Kon, why do you hate this store

**the mom friend:** I have my reasons

**timtam:** If any of you see anything related to Green lantern buy it so I can annoy bruce

**timtam:** I’m buying all the Oracle and Batgirl stuff I can get my hands on

**timtam:** They have Oracle computer stickers and I need them

**the mom friend:** WARNING: Ice cream is probably melting, so 5 more minutes

**timtam:** We need to come back here

**timtam:** I’ll check out the Superman section and be done

**timtam:** For now

**the mom friend:** Just so you know, it’s one of the biggest

**blundergirl:** Of course it is

**blundergirl:** Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman are kinda the most famous

**blundergirl:** sorry bart

**brat:** It’s okay

**brat:** Famous doesn’t mean best

**timtam:** Yeah, Superman is overrated

**the mom friend:** Then why are we shopping in his section

**timtam:** Who cares about Superman? I’m looking for Superboy

**the mom friend:** They don’t have much for the new kid.

**timtam:** And?

**timtam:** I’m looking for _you_

**timtam:** He doesn’t use your colors so your stuff is easy to spot

**the mom friend:** They sell stuff for me?

**timtam:** Yes

**timtam:** You’re what everyone thinks of when they say superboy

**timtam:** you’re the first and that’s what counts

**timtam:** In the eyes of most people, you’re still Superboy and always will be

**the mom friend:** I don’t know if being first is what matters

**the mom friend:** After all, you were third and you’re the robin everyone remembers

**the mom friend:** People still love you, even after your name change.

**timtam:** That’s because I’m the first to wear pants

**the mom friend:** Keep telling yourself that

**the mom friend:** Do you need new clothes? Is that why you taking my old Superboy shirts?

**the mom friend:** They even sell replicas here

**the mom friend:** You’re right, I do need a new costume

**timtam:** I like your shirts better

**the mom friend:** it’s the same shirt

**timtam:** Yours are more comfy

**timtam:** But if you want me to stop stealing yours I’ll buy some new ones

**the mom friend:** You can keep stealing my shirts

**the mom friend:** I don’t mind

**the mom friend:** At all

**the mom friend:** I have more if you ever need any

**timtam:** Thanks!

**timtam:** Yours really are more comfy

**blundergirl:** So…

**blundergirl:** Head to the checkout?

**timtam:** Yeah, just let me grab those socks

**the mom friend:** why do you need superman socks?

**timtam:** They’re for bruce

**timtam:** I like buying him JL themed socks

**blundergirl:** I can get some wonder woman socks?

**timtam:** Please do

**timtam:** Bart, can you get Flash or Green Lantern socks?

**brat:** I got both!

**timtam:** Excellent

****

****

**_[2:24]_ **

 

**brat:** We spent almost as much money at SUPERmarket as we did at Costco

**timtam:** Don’t worry about it

**timtam:** It comes back to us in the end

**blundergirl:** ?

**timtam:** SUPERmarket is a Wayne Industries company that works with the JL

**blundergirl:** You’re kidding

**timtam:** Nope

**timtam:** Part of the money from the sales goes towards fixing property damage JL members cause

**timtam:** who did you think payed for all the buildings you get thrown into?

**blundergirl:** i

**blundergirl:** Alright then

**brat:** The ice cream is melting!

**the mom friend:** SPA DAY IS A GO

**the mom friend:** Face masks are almost ready

**blundergirl:** I’ll get the movie started

**timtam:** And I’ll start making a pillow fort

**timtam:** The bears are great and I love them

**timtam:** They make good walls

**brat:** They are good bears

**blundergirl:** Kon get in here, movie’s starting!

 

 

_**[2:34]** _

 

**Cassie - > Conner**

 

**Cassie:** _[image sent]_

**Cassie:** _[image sent]_

**Cassie:** _[image sent]_

**Cassie:** I managed to sneak some pictures while Tim was painting Bart’s nails

**Cassie:** Enjoy Tim with a facemask and pigtails

**Conner:** Cassie, you are a goddess

**Cassie:** Demigoddess, but you’re welcome!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Coffehermit for suggesting SUPERmarket! Sorry if it's not what you were imaging! I love the idea of a shop where you can buy stuff like Superboy T-shirts and minifigures that helps fund the JL. Also, confession time, I've haven't been to Costco since I was eight, so I'm sorry if anything's incorrect. Again, thank you for reading! I live of comments and kudos, so if you have a suggestion please tell me! I'm mostly making this fic up as I go, so anything is appreciated!


	4. Tim vs The Raccoon King

**_Core4_ **

 

**_[4:09 am]_ **

 

 **timtam:** Conner

 **timtam:** conner

 **timtam:** conner

 **the mom friend:** Tim

 **the mom friend:** Why are you awake?

 **timtam:** Conner

 **timtam:** Raccoons are talking to me

 **timtam:** trash pandas of the wild

 **timtam:** They have ugly little hands

 **the mom friend:** Tim, have you been drugged?

 **timtam:** The Angry Raccoon King approaches

 **the mom friend:** Hang on, I’m coming to get you

 **timtam:** Ugly little grabby hands that just want love

 **timtam:** Little baby handhfkjlfddsa;e

 **timtam:** …

 **timtam:** Who is this?

 **the mom friend:** Who are you and what do you want?

 **timtam:** Relax, I’m a friend of Tim

 **timtam:** he’s kind of out of it right now and I had to take his phone

 **the mom friend:** I’m Conner

 **timtam:** the clone?

 **the mom friend:** Yes.

 **the mom friend:** And you are?

 **timtam:** It’s Jason

 **the mom friend:** The murderer?

 **timtam:** Touché

 **timtam:** Either way, Tim got hurt on patrol and has been given the good drugs

 **the mom friend:** Is he alright?

 **timtam:** Yeah, he’s fine.

 **timtam:** He wants his phone back

 **the mom friend:** Give it to him, I’m coming over

 **timtam:** He’s fine, go back to sleep

 **the mom friend:** I’m already awake and I’ll be there in five

 **timtam:** Do you even know where we are?

 **the mom friend:** I can track Tim’s heart beat

 **timtam:** Alright, I’m giving Tim his phone back

 **timtam:** CONNERR!

 **timtam:** the Raccoon King is evil

 **timtam:** He has bad face

 **the mom friend:** I’ll be there in a few minutes, just hang in there

 **the mom friend:** I’m sorry I won’t be able to answer while I’m flying

 **timtam:** it’s okay!

 **timtam:** You are verrry good conner

 **timtam:** you have good face

 **timtam:** one of my favorites

 **timtam:** do you thingk that cacti have feelings?

 **timtam:** I hope not

 **timtam:** I killed my cacti

 **timtam:** rest in peace Jerimiah you shall be missed

 **timtam:** conner where are you

 **timtam:** I miss you

 **timtam:** don’t leave me with the raccoons

 **timtam:** did you know a group of raccons are called a nursery

 **timtam:** tehy can run up to 15 mph

 **timtam:** they can also fall 35 to 40 feet with getting hurt

 **timtam:** I wish I could fall that far and be okay

 **timtam:** or just stop falling of buildings

 **timtam:** my head hurts

 **timtam:** Buildings are bad for my heath

 **the mom friend:** I’m here.

 

 

**_[7:44 am]_ **

 

 **blundergirl:** WHAT HAPPENED

 **blundergirl:** Conner I need updates

 **brat:** no!

 **brat:** did Tim got hurt again!??!!

 **brat:** :((

 **blundergirl:** CONNER LUTHER KENT GIVE ME UPDATES

 **the mom friend:** first off that is NOT my middle name

 **the mom friend:** Secondly, Tim is fine

 **the mom friend:** He got a concussion after he fell/got pushed off a building

 **brat:** Again?

 **the mom friend:** So I stayed with him to keep him company

 **the mom friend:** He was really high on the pain meds and spent most of the time crying over Padme Amidala

 **the mom friend:** He really loves her and her clothes

 **the mom friend:** He sat for two hours and told me why she is better than everyone else in this world combined. He started crying when I reminded his that she's fictional

 **the mom friend:** He called Anakin Skywalker a “burnt piece of toast who deserves love”

 **the mom friend:** He also gave me lots of raccoon facts

 **blundergirl:** Alright then

 **brat:** wait, you said he “fell/got pushed”?

 **the mom friend:** Yeah

 **the mom friend:** He apparently was punched by some goon

 **the mom friend:** he may have been able to catch himself before he fell

 **the mom friend:** But he's a moron who doesn't rest until he gets severally injured so he wasn't in the best shape

 **the mom friend:** Apparently he hadn't slept in like 61 hours

 **blundergirl:** OHMYGOD

 **blundergirl:** why is he like this

 **brat:** how’s he doing now?

 **the mom friend:** just sleeping

 **the mom friend:** On top of me.

 **the mom friend:** He’s really cuddly right now and I’m afraid to move him and risk re-injuring him

 **the mom friend:** So he’s been attached like a violent koala since I got here.

 **blundergirl:** Violent? What did he do, stabbed someone?

 **the mom friend:** He tried to attack Nightwing when he came to check on us

 **the mom friend:** but he was really dizzy and just fell over

 **brat:** Who let him live by himself?

 **the mom friend:** he’s waking up gtg

 **blundergirl:** tell him I hope he feels better soon

 **brat:** smack him for me

 **blundergirl:** He already has a concussion, don’t make it worse

 **brat:** ok I'll wait until he heals then I'll smack him

 

 

**_[12:26pm]_ **

 

**_Conner created The Tim Drake Protection Squad_ **

**_Conner added Bart and Cassie_ **

 

 **Conner:** He’s mostly awake now

 **Conner:** We’re watching Wendy the Werewolf Stalker

 **Conner:** If you guys want to come over

 **Cassie:** Are you still at the Manor?

 **Conner:** No

 **Conner:** Tim wanted to leave

 **Bart:** and batman just let you go??

 **Conner:** Not exactly

 **Conner:** Jason

 **Conner:** The Red Hood

 **Conner:** He helped by creating a distraction

 **Bart:** what kind of distraction?

 **Conner:** He stole the Batmobiles’ wheels so they couldn’t chase us and then set fire to something “on accident”

 **Conner:** So we’re back at the Nest and Tim’s resting

 **Cassie:** I have plans but keep me updated, okay?

 **Conner:** Will do

 **Conner:** Bart?

 **Bart:** I’m already here

 **Conner:** Where?

 **Bart:** In the kitchen

 **Bart:** We need popcorn

 **Cassie:** It always comes back to food with you

 **Cassie:** You two take care of our idiot for me

 

 

**_[9:37 pm]_ **

****

**_Tim - > Conner_ **

****

**Tim:** Thank you

 **Conner:** For what?

 **Tim:** For being there for me

 **Conner:** I will always be there for you.

 **Conner:** No matter what.

 

 

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[12:32 pm]_ **

**timtam:** Hello again everyone

 **timtam:** I have awoken

 **brat:** Tim, it’s past noon

 **timtam:** Time is a government construct and I refuse to follow the meaningless rules they try to apply.

**_blundergirl changed timtam’s name to Human Disaster_ **

**Human Disaster:** rude

 **brat:** Accurate!

 **Human Disaster:** I’m going back to bed

 **blundergirl:** I thought you just woke up?

 **Human Disaster:** Cassie, I have a sleep debt bigger than our national debt

 **blundergirl:** Point

 **the mom friend:** Good morning/afternoon Tim!

 **the mom friend:** Nice name

 **blundergirl:** I’m going to be honest

 **blundergirl:** At least half the reason the reason I changed your name is because I thought it looked like you and Tam’s ship name.

 **Human Disaster:** OH

 **Human Disaster:** Yeah, that’s a good reason

 **the mom friend:** Ship name?

 **blundergirl:** You know, when you smash two people who are a couple’s names together

 **blundergirl:** Superman and Batman become SuperBat, that kind of thing

 **Human Disaster:** Of all the people to choose, you picked my adoptive father, are you kidding me

 **blundergirl:** I’m sorry!

 **blundergirl:** I overheard two of the girls in my class talking about whether Batman and Superman are dating!

 **the mom friend:** Clark’s married though?

 **brat:** most people don’t know that

 **the mom friend:** still

 **the mom friend:** But back to the subject at hand

 **blundergirl:** Yeah, would Tam and Tim’s ship name be called TimTam or TamTim or what?

 **the mom friend:** That isn’t what I meant Cassie and you know it

 **brat:** What about Fayne? For Fox and Wayne?

 **Human Disaster:** Nah, people might confuse that with the Bruce and Lucius ship. 

 **the mom friend:** You’re remarkably calm about this

 **Human Disaster:** I know people ship me and Tam together and there’s very little I can do about

 **Human Disaster:** The best thing to do is ignore it or make a joke about it.

 **Human Disaster:** It only really bothers me when people harass Tam about our “upcoming wedding” or try to follow me around in the hopes they’ll get a picture of me “cheating” on Tam.

 **Human Disaster:** People want drama so much they’ll do just about anything for it, including fake pictures of someone looking like me kissing someone else.

 **blundergirl:** That’s horrible

 **Human Disaster:** Eh, even that’s not so bad.

 **Human Disaster:** I once had one person threaten to publish “inappropriate images” of me if I didn’t send him money. He claimed an ex-girlfriend of mine had given them to him.

 **Human Disaster:** I knew he didn’t have anything so I told him to go ahead. Bruce was furious when he found out.

 **Human Disaster:** He got the guy charged with blackmail and sued him on so many different charges I lost count.

 **brat:** good

 **the mom friend:** Quick question

 **the mom friend:** where can I find this asshole

 **Human Disaster:** You’re sweet, but it was ages ago.

 **blundergirl:** Just know, we’ll kill him for you if you ask

 **Human Disaster:** You guys are the best friends anyone could ask for

 **Human Disaster:** So no, I don’t mind people shipping me and Tam as long as they are polite.

 **Human Disaster:** We already talked about it and she doesn’t care

 **Human Disaster:** It’s actually kind of convenient since we can use each other as our “dates” and not worry about finding someone else

 **the mom friend:** Would you want to?

 **Human Disaster:**?

 **the mom friend:** You know, date Tam?

 **Human Disaster:** NO

 **Human Disaster:** No, not really. We are good friends, but that’s it.

 **the mom friend:** Oh.

 **Human Disaster:** I wouldn’t date her

 **the mom friend:** that’s good

 **Human Disaster:** Yeah.

 **brat:** (crickets chirping)

 **blundergirl:** HUSH

 **the mom friend:** Ma’s calling me

 **Human Disaster:** I have to go

 

 

**_Waffle Town_ **

****

**_[12:38pm]_ **

**Coffee:** Steph, Cass

 **Coffee:** I need help

 **Eggplant:** What’s up, oh ex-boyfriend of mine?

 **Coffee:** Remember how Cass was blackmailing me about telling Conner something

 **Eggplant:** Yeah?

 **Eggplant:** Am I getting in on the good gossip?

 **Coffee:** Yes, well.

 **Coffee:** I may have a small

 **Coffee:** tiny

 **Coffee:** infinitesimal

 **Ice Cream:** He is in love with Conner.

 **Coffee:** crush on Conner

 **Coffee:** Goddammit Cass

 **Eggplant:** OOOOOOOOHHHHHH

 **Eggplant:** OHMYGODOHMYGOD

 **Eggplant:** You have a crush on CONNER???

 **Eggplant:** This is the greatest thing that’s ever happen to me

 **Eggplant:** You got good taste though, he's hot

 **Coffee:** Are you done? I’m kinda having a crisis here

 **Ice Cream:** Why?

 **Coffee:** Well…

_Coffee sent a screenshot_

**Coffee:** WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN

 **Eggplant:** I’m seriously crying right now

 **Eggplant:** “That’s good” I love it

 **Coffee:** I’m so glad my misery brings you joy

 **Eggplant:** You have no idea

 **Eggplant:** Wait, how did Cass find out you like Conner?

 **Coffee:** I got stabbed with a truth serum a while back and spilled my heart out to her

 **Ice Cream:** And when he speaks of Conner he goes…

 **Ice Cream:** calm?

 **Ice Cream:** No. Soft.

 **Ice Cream:** He goes soft.

 **Eggplant:** That is so cute

 **Coffee:** yeah, yeah I’m adorable.

 **Coffee:** WHAT DID HE MEAN BY “THAT’S GOOD”??

 **Coffee:**  Is it good that I'm FRIENDS with Tam or is it good I don't want to DATE her?

 **Coffee:** Or is it something else???

 **Coffee:** You know what, I'm done

 **Coffee:** I can’t take this

 **Coffee:** I didn’t wake up for this nonsense.

 **Coffee:** Love and all other emotions are useless and I reject them

 **Eggplant:** Aw, don’t be like that

 **Coffee:** And why not?

 **Eggplant:** Did you know he held your hand the entire time you were asleep?

 **Eggplant:** He let you rant about Padme Amidala.

 **Eggplant:** I didn’t even do that when we were dating

 **Eggplant:** What I’m saying is, he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t care about you

 **Coffee:** I know

 **Coffee:** But we’re best friends

 **Coffee:** What if he’s only doing it because we’re friends

 **Coffee:** I don’t want to ruin one of the best things that have ever happened to me just cause I have a dumb crush

 **Coffee:** I don’t think I could stand him hating me

 **Ice Cream:** He wouldn’t hate you

 **Ice Cream:** Steph is right. He cares.

 **Coffee:** I guess that’ll have to be enough for now.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tim is high-key pining and Conner's not much better. I took the story about someone threatening to post inappropriate pictures from real life. I remember hearing about someone threatening Emma Watson with supposed nude photos because she was speaking about feminism. She knew the photos didn't exist and called the person's bluff. With how high profile the Wayne family is it wouldn't surprise me if they got threats like that. 
> 
> Just to recap, user names in this chapter are
> 
> Bart: brat  
> Cassie: blundergirl  
> Conner: the mom friend  
> Tim: timtam/Human Disaster/Coffee  
> Cass: Ice Cream  
> Steph: Eggplant
> 
> Any advice, ideas, or problems? Please comment! I'd love to hear from you! Comments and kudos make me unbelievably happy! Thank you for reading!


	5. July 19th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim gets surprised!

**_core4_ **

 

**_[4:09 am]_ **

**brat:** HEY TIM

 **Human Disaster:** Yes?

 **brat:** Do you have any plans for today?

 **Human Disaster:** I have to work

 **blundergirl:** What about after work?

 **Human Disaster:** No?

 **the mom friend:** don’t make any plans

 **Human Disaster:** Why? What did you do?

 **the mom friend:** Nothing…

 **brat:** YET

 **Human Disaster:** I intend to binge watch Wendy the Werewolf Stalker and eat leftover pizza

 **Human Disaster:** Other than that, I got nothing

 **brat:** Are you absolutely sure???

 **Human Disaster:** Yes?

 **the mom friend:** ok we trust you

 **Human Disaster:** Okay?

 

 

**TOP-SECRET OPERATION**

 

**_[12:59 pm]_ **

 

 **Cassie:** He has no idea, does he?

 **Conner:** I…

 **Conner:** HOW DO YOU FORGET YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY??

 **Bart:** Tim is living up to his name

 **Bart:** You’d think it’d be harder to plan a surprise party for a detective

 **Conner:** His powers of oblivious work in our favor

 **Cassie:** Everything going to plan?

 **Bart:** Yup! I delivered the invitations earlier and everyone should be on time

 **Conner:** Alfie’s making the cake and Tam is keeping him distracted until around three pm

 **Conner:** How decorating?

 **Cassie:** Alfred gave us free rein over one of the big ballrooms that open next to the pool

 **Cassie:** I got so much glitter over me and the sign

 **Bart:** what sign?

 **Cassie:** The sign I’m making

 **Cassie:** It says

 **Cassie:** _HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU FORGETFUL_ MORON!!!

 **Cassie:** the MORON is in pink glitter

 **Bart:** did you guys find gifts okay?

 **Cassie** : ugh

 **Cassie:** What do you get for a billionaire?

 **Bart:** I made a coupon book

 **Cassie:** Cliché but understandable

 **Bart:** It has “ten minutes of silence” and “I will not eat your food for three day” kind of coupons

 **Bart:** I thought he might like something practical

 **Bart:** What you get him?

 **Cassie:** I got him a spa basket, like we had for our spa night

 **Cassie:** God know that boy needs to relax more

 **Bart:** nice!

 

_**Cassie - > Conner** _

 

**_[1:04 pm]_ **

****

**Cassie:** You’re being awfully quiet

 **Cassie:** You okay

 **Conner:** I still haven’t bought Tim a present

 **Cassie:** oh boy

 **Conner:** Nothing looks right!

 **Cassie:** you could just get him the new Wendy the Werewolf Stalker?

 **Conner:** That’s the problem

 **Conner:** I don’t want to get him “just” anything

 **Conner:** I want it to be something important

 **Conner:** Something that means something

 **Conner:** He deserves the world and…

 **Conner:** Hang on a minute

 **Cassie:** NO WORLD DOMINATION

 

 

**TOP-SECRET OPERATION**

 

**_[1:09 pm]_ **

 

 **Bart:** Can I help decorate?

 **Cassie:** YES

 **Cassie:** We need like a hundred balloons!

 **Bart:** Can I fill the balloons with glitter?

 **Cassie:** Any color you want!

 **Conner:** what are we doing for food?

 **Cassie:** Mr. Wayne is setting up the barbecue, we have a fondue fountain, and Ma’s making pie?

 **Conner:** So much pie.

 **Conner:** She’s been cooking for days

 **Bart:** AWESOME!

 **Cassie:** Bruce is outside setting up the grill right now

 **Cassie:** That is a huge grill

 **Bart:** we did invite like half the justice league

 **Bart:** Stephanie is getting pool games stuff

 **Cassie:** Sounds like we got it in hand

 **Conner:** Now it’s time for something to go horribly wrong

 

 

**_Tim - > Conner_ **

****

**_[2:36 pm]_ **

 

 **Tim:** I don’t mean to alarm you

 **Tim:** But could you send someone to WE

 **Conner:** ?

 **Tim:** Poison Ivy is here

 **Tim:** And she’s kinda threatening to kill the hostage (me) if someone doesn’t give her the plans for a new factory that we’re building.

 **Conner:** ohmygod tim

 **Conner:** are you okay

 **Conner:** Bruce is on his way

 **Conner:** you’re safe right?

 **Conner:** Please be okay

 **Tim:** …

 **Conner:** Tim?

 **Tim:** He is unavailable 

**Conner:** Who is this?

 **Tim:** Poison Ivy. I took this phone from the little princeling

 **Conner:** Could I convince you to give it back to him and let him go?

 **Tim:** Doubtful, but you can try.

 **Conner:** Can I call you?

 **Tim:** Yes.

_Call Time 00:05:38_

**Tim:** Conner what did you say to Ivy

 **Conner:** What did she do?

 **Tim:** what did you say to her?!

 **Tim:** while you were on the phone she just kinda nodded and when she hung up she told me I was very lucky.

 **Tim:** Then she made me a flower crown and left

 **Tim:** She swore to return and wreak havoc then but

 **Tim:** I’m confused

 **Conner:** Don’t worry about it

 **Conner:** are you okay?

 **Tim:** I’m fine, not even a scratch

 **Tim:** I probably should review that factory and see why she’s upset about it

 **Conner:** just as a warning, Bruce is still on his way

 

 

**TOP-SECRET OPERATION**

 

**_[2: 48 pm]_ **

 

 **Conner:** so I just managed to talk Poison Ivy out of a hostage situation by telling her it was Tim’s birthday

 **Conner:** _#onlyingotham_

 **Cassie:** Is Tim okay

 **Conner:** yeah

 **Conner:** Ivy even gave him a flower crown as an apology.

 **Cassie:** That explains why Mr. Wayne drove away so fast

 **Conner:** where’s Bart?

 **Cassie:** He went to the store to pick up some glow-in-the-dark stuff for the party

 **Conner:** nice

 **Conner:** Tim sounds like he’s still on track to arrive on time

 **Cassie:** excellent

 **Cassie:** I gotta go, I promised Alfred I’d help set up a cupcake decorating station

 **Conner:** wow everyone’s really going all out this year

 

 

_**Tamara Fox - > Timothy Drake** _

__

_**[3: 07 pm]** _

 

 **Tam:** Tim, I need a favor

 **Tim:** ?

 **Tam:** Can you pick up some donuts before meeting me at the Manor?

 **Tim:** Why do we need to go to the Manor?

 **Tam:** I want to talk to Bruce about the factory a little more

 **Tam:** I think I found something about why Ivy was so angry

 **Tim:** And the donuts?

 **Tam:** You’re going to argue about donuts?

 **Tim:** Good point

 **Tim:** I’ll meet you at the Manor in ten-fifteen minutes?

 **Tam:** See you then!

 

__

_**Tamara Fox - > Conner Kent** _

__

_**[3:08 pm]** _

__

**Tam:** ETA ten/fifteen minutes

 **Conner:** Roger that!

 **Tam:** I’ll be there in five, keep the door unlocked

 **Conner:** I’ll tell people to start hiding soon

 

 

_**Core4** _

__

_**[9:12 pm]** _

__

**blundergirl:** So…

 **Human Disaster:** Yes

 **Human Disaster:** I was surprised

 **Human Disaster:** You guys win this one

 **brat:**  YES!

 **Human Disaster:** I...

 **Human Disaster:** Thank you guys

 **Human Disaster:** I’m really really happy

 **brat:** I’m glad!

 **brat:** I thought you were going to sock us when we jumped out

 **the mom friend:** maybe jumping out at a trained vigilante wasn’t the best idea

 **blundergirl:** but it was funny!

 **brat:** I'm just surprised there were no supervillian/ninja attacks

 **Human Disaster:** Got lucky this year, I guess

 **the mom friend:** Happy Birthday, Tim!

 

 

_**Waffle Town** _

 

_**[12:54 am]** _

__

**Eggplant:** Did you have a good birthday?

 **Coffee:** The best

 **Coffee:** and thank you for the Death Wish Coffee

 **Coffee:** It will be put to good use

 **Eggplant:** What did your boyfriend give you?

 **Coffee:** One: shut up, he’s not my boyfriend. Two: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 **Eggplant:** He took you aside to give it to you and told you to open it later

 **Eggplant:** so spill

 **Ice Cream:** You were both blushing

 **Ice Cream:** Did you kiss?

 **Coffee:** _NO_

 **Eggplant:** But you wanted to?

 **Coffee:** God, yes

 **Ice Cream:** Did you open the gift?

 **Coffee:** …

 **Coffee:** yes

 **Coffee:** just now in fact

 **Eggplant:** AND?

 **Coffee:** Conner is a sap

 **Eggplant:** Yup. AND????

 **Coffee:** It was

 **Coffee:** I opened the box and

 **Coffee:** It had a globe inside

 **Eggplant:** a globe?

 **Coffee:** yeah

 **Coffee:** With a note that said:

 **Coffee:** _You deserve the WORLD!_

 **Coffee:** because he’s a sap and he’s making me sappy and oh god

 **Coffee:** The box also had candy and souvenirs from around the world

 **Coffee:** Kinder Eggs from Germany and Curly Wurly from England and a little Eiffel Tower and

 **Coffee:** There’s also a map

 **Coffee:** Of places he said we should visit together

 **Coffee:** With little notes written on it about his favorite places

 **Coffee:** Hawaii is circled and he’s written that he wants to teach me to surf

 **Coffee:** _If you don’t already know how to…_

 **Coffee:** guys…

 **Coffee:** I

 **Coffee:** I really love him

 **Eggplant:** That was so cute I started crying

 **Coffee:** I’m crying too

 **Coffee:** It’s almost too wonderful…

 **Coffee:** wait

 **Coffee:** ohmygod

 **Eggplant:** what?

 **Coffee:** On the base of the globe there a note next to a button

 **Coffee:** says to turn out the lights and turn on the globe

 **Coffee:** It’s a projector

 **Coffee:** He gave me the night sky

 **Ice Cream:** ?

 **Coffee:** the globe projects the stars onto my ceiling

 **Coffee:** I told him how much I love the stars in Smallville

 **Coffee:** And how I was sad that I couldn’t see the stars in Gotham

 **Coffee:** He gave me the stars

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Tim!
> 
> I wrote this chapter really quickly when I realized it was Tim's birthday and may be back to edit when I'm less tired. I was as stressed as Conner when I was thinking about what gifts to give Tim. I was googling present ideas when the idea that Tim deserved the world came to me and Conner's gift came together on its own. Sorry about any mistakes, I'm tired. If you do see any mistakes, please tell me so I can fix them.
> 
> (Note: I changed the title when I realized I had gotten my favorite character's birthday wrong. I'm sorry. Anyway, that's it)
> 
> I hope you liked it and thank you for reading!


	6. To the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future is discussed and Jason learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I made it clear last time but Red Hood and the Lesser Beings is a chat that has Jason (who named it), Steph, Cass, and Tim in it. Jason = Zombie, Steph = spoileralert, Tim = redrobinYUM, and Cass = Favorite child. Just thought I'd clear that up.

**_Core4_ **

 

**_[10:37 am]_ **

****

**brat:** Did you have a good birthday?

**Human Disaster:** Yeah!

**Human Disaster:** You guys did such a good job putting everything together

**blundergirl:** I’m just glad Cissie could make it

**Human Disaster:** Me too, I know how busy she is

**the mom friend:** didn’t she just get a movie deal?

**brat:** YES

**brat:** It’s a book adaption

**brat:** I think it’s that recent YA novel 

**Human Disaster:** Let me guess

**Human Disaster:** It’s about a girl in a dystopian future

**Human Disaster:** She’s says plain, but she’s absolutely gorgeous and everyone loves her

**the mom friend:** Two guys fight over her and half the book is devoted to her thinking about them rather than saving the world

**Human Disaster:** She’s also really clumsy, but in a cute way and it doesn’t affect her fighting at all

**the mom friend:** She’s the face of the rebellion despite having no skills

**Human Disaster:** Don’t forget that the boys are nearly identical but one’s blonde and the other has brown hair

**the mom friend:** She also is secretly a vampire princess

**blundergirl:** You two just described half of the YA novels

**the mom friend:** I could write a better book

**blundergirl:**  You guys are just bitter

**Human Disaster:** So we were right?

**brat:** NOT THIS TIME

**brat:** She said she’s reading the book and it’s about a girl who hunts ghosts with her girlfriend

**brat:** apparently the main character uses arrows so Cissie auditioned and got the part

**brat:** She says it’s supposed to be really good

**Human Disaster:** I have to read it if she’s going to be in the movie

**blundergirl:** does it ever weird you out that we’re friends with a Olympic archer/movie star

**Human Disaster:** a little bit

**blundergirl:** You don’t get to talk

**blundergirl:** You’re a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company

**the mom friend:** not really

**the mom friend:** I mean, I’ve lived basically my whole life around heroes and other famous people

**brat:** It kinda scares me

**brat:** two people we know are already successful

**brat:** it makes me question what I’m doing with my life

**Human Disaster:** If it makes you feel better I have no idea what I’m doing

**brat:** that helps a little bit

**blundergirl:** we’re are still kids

**blundergirl:** we may be respectable heroes in our own right, but we are really just kids

**blundergirl:** You got time Bart. You’ve been given a second chance at life, so don’t waste it worrying

**brat:** Thanks, Casserole

**brat:** I MEAN CASSIE

**Human Disaster:** CASSEROLE

**the mom friend:** CASSEROLE

**_blundergirl changed their name to Casserole_ **

**brat:** I hate all of you

 

 

**_[6:23 pm]_ **

****

**Casserole:** Hey, Tim

**Casserole:** You go to Gotham University, right?

**Human Disaster:** Yeah, part-time

**Human Disaster:** go nighthawks

**Casserole:** very enthusiastic

**Casserole:** Is it nice?

**Human Disaster:** It gets attacked every other week, is built in a high gothic style that is rather depressing, and half the villains in the city attended it.

**Human Disaster:** It’s great and I love it, why?

**Casserole:** I’m going on some tours and don’t know where I want to attend

**Human Disaster:** I thought you had a plan?

**Casserole:** It fell through.

**Casserole:** I wanted to go to a school that was far away. Someplace I could be independent from my mom and figure my life out

**Casserole:** It turned out it was too expensive to go that far

**Human Disaster:** I’m sorry

**Casserole:** Don’t worry about it

**Casserole:** It’s not your fault

**Human Disaster:** Any way I can help?

**Casserole:** You are not paying for me to go to college

**Casserole:** Everyone will think you’re my sugar daddy

**Human Disaster:** yuck

**Human Disaster:** Offer rescinded

**Human Disaster:** What other colleges are you considering?

**Casserole:** I have Holliday College, Hudson University, Metropolis University, Gotham University, Raleigh College, and Midwestern University on my list

**Human Disaster:** Damn

**Casserole:** Holliday is really close to Wonder Woman and Etta Candy was a Holliday Girl, so it sounds good for place for Wonder Girl

**Human Disaster:** Dick attend Hudson before he dropped out of college

**Casserole:** Did he like it?

**Human Disaster:** He dropped out because he couldn’t balance work and school and doesn’t really talk about it.

**Human Disaster:** It wasn’t really a good time for him, so I wouldn’t make an decisions based on his opinion.

**Casserole:** Okay, what’s your opinion on GU?

**Human Disaster:** Honestly, they are a good school

**Human Disaster:** Steph and Tam both go there and so does Jason, although he won’t admit it

**Human Disaster:** They have pretty diverse majors and were really helpful in making sure I could attend classes and still be CEO

**Human Disaster:** that may be because I’m a Wayne, but they have a lot of scholarships if you need financial aid. 

**Casserole:** I’ll keep it on the list

**the mom friend:** Hi, I’m just lurking. 

**Human Disaster:** Hi, Just Lurking. I’m Tim

**the mom friend:** That is a terrible dad joke

**Human Disaster:** How would I know? My dad wasn’t around to make jokes

**Casserole:** BAD TIM

**Human Disaster:** Anyway, Midwestern University is supposed to be really good

**Human Disaster:** I plan to take some courses there in the future

**Human Disaster:** Ted Kord went there and I would sell my eyes to even talk with him

**the mom friend:** you okay?

**Human Disaster:** I’m great! Why do you ask?

**the mom friend:** ok

**the mom friend:** Why does Raleigh College sound familiar?

**Casserole:** It’s where Lois Lane went

**the mom friend:** Oh!

**Casserole:** Honestly, I’m not sold on Metropolis University

**Casserole:** I know both Clark and Lex went there

**the mom friend:** that’s where I thought I would go

**Human Disaster:** and now?

**the mom friend:** Now I don’t know.

**the mom friend:** I don’t want to be a reporter like Lois

**the mom friend:** or Clark

**the mom friend:** And as much as I care for the farm, I’m never going to be a farmer

**Casserole:** Like I told Bart, you still have time

**the mom friend:** yeah but I want to have some sort of plan

**the mom friend:** And it needs to be flexible enough that I can still be a hero

**Casserole:** eugh

**Human Disaster:** eugh

**the mom friend:** there’s no winning with us is there?

**Casserole:** nope

**Casserole:** I’ll probably tour some of the colleges and see if any of them are a good fit

**Casserole:** someone help me I don’t want to adult

**Human Disaster:** You have to

**Casserole:** Please die Tim

**Human Disaster:** Trust me, I’m trying

**Casserole:** NO

 

****

**_[11:34 am]_ **

****

**the mom friend:** I’ve decided to change my costume

**Human Disaster:** It’s not Halloween?

**the mom friend:** My superhero costume

**Human Disaster:** Just say uniform

**the mom friend:** I think I’ll use Saros as my name

**the mom friend:** That way I can keep the S and still move on from Superboy

**brat:** why Saros?

**the mom friend:** after tim suggested it I did some research

**the mom friend:** Saros cycles are used to predict eclipses of the sun and moon.

**the mom friend:** A Saros is a period of time roughly equal to 18 years, 11 days, 8 hours

**the mom friend:** IF I had been born instead of grown and IF I had aged normally and IF I hadn’t died

**the mom friend:** then I would be almost 18

**the mom friend:** I kinda see it as a coming of age deal

**the mom friend:** When I’m eighteen, I’m no longer a kid, so superboy doesn’t make any sense

**the mom friend:** I don’t want to look at the past anymore, I want to move forward with my life

**Human Disaster:** wow

**Human Disaster:** That’s actually really deep of you

**the mom friend:** don’t sound too surprised

**Human Disaster:** It’s just the maturity shown in this group chat is throwing me for a loop

**Casserole:** Says the guy called Human Disaster

**Human Disaster:** You got me there

**brat:** Have you put any thought into your costume?

**the mom friend:** a little

**the mom friend:** I miss my leather jacket

**Human Disaster:** It was a good jacket

**Casserole:** You did look hot

**Casserole:** That jacket was probably half the reason I dated you.

**the mom friend:** and the other half?

**Casserole:** your earring

**the mom friend:** rude

**the mom friend:** Anyway I’ll have to find something more durable than the T-shirts I have

**the mom friend:** they keep getting torn

**Human Disaster:** It was almost like you were trying to get them ripped

**Human Disaster:** You ended up shirtless in at least half our fights together

**Casserole:** Like you minded

**Human Disaster:** ?

**Casserole:** Let’s be honest Tim

**Casserole:** You and I both know a shirtless Kon was the best part of any fight

**Human Disaster:** I plead the fifth

**the mom friend:** what

**brat:** what

**Casserole:** what

**Human Disaster:** what

**Human Disaster:** I have to go

**The mom friend:** Tim?

**the mom friend:** did he leave?

**Casserole:** I guess so

**the mom friend:** Why?

**brat:** …

****

 

**_[11:37 am]_ **

****

**_Red Hood and the Lesser Beings_ **

 

**redrobinYUM:** Steph help me I just admitted I like conner

**redrobinYUM:** FUCK WRONG GROUPCHAT

**Zombie:** What?

**spoileralert:** WHAT?

**spoileralert:** WHAT DID HE SAY

**spoileralert:** TIM WHAT DID HE SAY???

**Zombie:** Conner?

**redrobinYUM:** just kill me now

**Zombie:** As in that punk conner?

**spoileralert:** TIM I NEED DETAILS

**Zombie:** THE CLONE????????

**spoileralert:** I think you mean that hottie Conner who has the cutest dog in existence

**redrobinYUM:** I’m sorry what

**Favorite child:** Krypto is a good dog

**spoileralert:** yeah

**redrobinYUM:**  Be that as it may, what does that do with the problem at hand? 

**Zombie:** I’m still stuck on the fact you have a crush on Clone Boy

**spoileralert:** And you told him?????

**redrobinYUM:** sort of

**spoileralert:** what does “sort of” mean?!

**redrobinYUM:** look, can we pretend this never happened

**Zombie:** Nope

**spoileralert:** never

**Favorite child:** What happened?

**redrobinYUM:** uuuuuggggghhhhh

**redrobinYUM:** so I may have sort of mentioned that I do in fact

**redrobinYUM:** think he looks good without a shirt

**redrobinYUM:** that’s it

**Zombie:** you poor moron

**spoileralert:** Not that you’re wrong

**Favorite child:** ?

**spoileralert:** Conner is hot af

**Favorite child:** ??

**spoileralert:** I used to have a poster of him on my wall

**Favorite child:** ???

**Zombie:** Cass, you good?

**Favorite child:** I…

**Favorite child:** I am fine

**Favorite child:** I was unaware that you liked Conner, Stephanie

**spoileralert:** I mean, yeah

**spoileralert:** He’s really hot

**Favorite child:** But

**Favorite child:** Never mind

**redrobinYUM:** I never thought I’d say this, but can we please get back to my crisis?

**spoileralert:** With pleasure

**redrobinYUM:** And Jason?

**Zombie:** Yeah?

**redrobinYUM:** You tell anyone about this and I’ll make sure Roy has enough blackmail to last a lifetime

**Zombie:** I assume by anyone you mean Bruce

**redrobinYUM:** Or Dick or Damian or ANYONE

**Zombie:** Alright alright

**redrobinYUM:** But yeah, especially Bruce

**spoileralert:** What’s so bad about Bruce?

**redrobinYUM:** Besides the fact that he’s basically both my dad and my boss?

**redrobinYUM:** He already tried to give me the Talk once

**redrobinYUM:** I’d rather not have a repeat of that

**Zombie:** Oh god I remember that

**Zombie:** I’m getting flashbacks

**redrobinYUM:** I assure you I had it worse

**Zombie:** Oh yeah? Why’s that?

**redrobinYUM:** I was dating Steph at the time

**redrobinYUM:** I didn’t just get the overview, I got the slides and hand puppets

**spoileralert:** I'm assuming you mean the birds and the bees

**spoileralert:** It can’t have been that bad

**redrobinYUM:** HAND PUPPETS STEPH

**Zombie:** What’s your plan for dealing with the clone?

**redrobinYUM:** Pretend it never happened and deny everything

**spoileralert:** That’s your go-to plan for dealing with everything

**redrobinYUM:** It’s worked so far

**spoileralert:** Why did I date you?

**redrobinYUM:** You made a lot of bad decisions

**redrobinYUM:** I would like to think I was one of the better ones

**spoileralert:** You were the best bad decision I’ve ever made

**redrobinYUM:** Aww

**_[11:46 am]_ **

****

**_Tim - > Cass_ **

**Tim:** Are you okay?

**Cass:** I am fine.

**Cass:** Stephanie can love whoever she wishes

**Tim:** Steph isn’t in love with Conner

**Tim:** She just thinks he is attractive

**Cass:** She doesn’t think I am attractive

**Tim:** What makes you think that?

**Cass:** She has a poster of Conner and not me.

**Tim:** She _had_ a poster of _Superboy_

**Tim:** If they made Black Bat posters, I’m sure she would buy one

**Tim:** Besides I bet she only bought that poster to annoy me

**Tim:** You’re being silly and you know that

**Cass:** I like her and she doesn’t even know

**Tim:** I know it’s hard

**Cass:** Am I hot af like Conner?

**Tim:** I’m your brother

**Tim:** And while I do think you are beautiful, I’m not going to compare you to the guy I’m romantically interested in

**Cass:** Do you think that Steph thinks I’m beautiful?

**Tim:** What does her body language say?

**Cass:** ?

**Tim:** How does she look at you?

**Cass:** Steph…

**Cass:** She likes to hug me

**Cass:** But she also likes to hug you

**Tim:** Does it seem different?

**Cass:** A little

**Cass:** I don’t know

**Tim:** I know she lights up when she sees you

**Cass:** Steph is full of light

**Tim:** She saves waffles for you

**Tim:** She didn’t even do that for me when we were dating

**Cass:** I love her waffles

**Tim:** She know that, that’s why she saves them for you

**Tim:** She even stabbed Bruce when he tried to eat them

**Cass:** She is very strong

**Tim:** Once, when you flipped Dick on his back during sparring she started to hyperventilate

**Cass:** Hyperventilate?

**Tim:** She couldn’t breath

**Tim:** She can’t look away from you

**Cass:** Oh

**Cass:** Thank you

**Cass:** Feelings are hard

**Tim:** Anything for my favorite sister

**Cass:** only sister

**Tim:** And?

**Cass:** Love you too

**Cass:** …

**Cass:** What does af mean?

**Tim:** Um

 

 

**_[11:58 am]_ **

****

**_Steph - > Cass_ **

 

**Steph:** You okay?

**Cass:** I am good.

**Steph:** You sure? You seemed a little out of it earlier

**Cass:** Better now

**Cass:** What are you doing before patrol?

**Steph:** ?

**Cass:** We should get dinner.

**Cass:** Someplace with waffles?

**Steph:** That sounds wonderful, Cass!

 

****

**_[12:19 pm]_ **

****

**_Jason - > Conner_ **

 

**Jason:** Hey

**Jason:** Clone

**Jason:** You and I need to have a little talk

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Brother Jason is coming.
> 
> I just went on a college tour with my parents, so colleges, majors, jobs, and the future at on my mind. I sort of have a plan, but it's still stressful. I can't even image balancing a secret identity on top of this. 
> 
> On a side note, I'm wondering where to find a beta or if anyone would be willing to help. I'm the only person I know who's interested in comics and I have one or two WIPs that I would appreciate someone checking over. I keep changing tenses on accident and I want to scream. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!


	7. Big Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason talks to Conner and starts a new group chat

**_[12:21 pm]_ **

****

**_Conner - > Jason_ **

 

**Conner:** Jason?

**Conner:** Is Tim okay?

**Jason:** He’s fine.

**Conner:** Then why…

**Jason:** Why am I talking to you?

**Jason:** I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best person

**Jason:** In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m in the running for Asshole of the Year

**Jason:** Despite that, Tim still breaks into my house and eats all my marshmallows

**Jason:** I care for the little shit and if you do anything to hurt him I will kill you.

**Conner:** I would never do anything to hurt Tim

**Conner:** I care about him a lot

**Jason:** Care?

**Conner:** Yes

**Conner:** He’s my best friend

**Jason:** And he’s my brother

**Jason:** That doesn’t mean I haven’t shot him before

**Conner:** I don’t understand

**Jason:** Just because you’re his best friend doesn’t mean that you can’t hurt him

**Jason:** It puts you in a position to cause even more pain because he trusts you

**Jason:** I’m tired of watching him be betrayed by people he trusts

**Conner:** …

**Conner:** Somehow I feel like this isn’t about me anymore

**Jason:** Maybe it’s not.

**Jason:** But for whatever reason, he seems to like you

**Jason:** I want to know that you’ll be there for him, no matter what

**Conner:** I don’t know how to say this without sounding over dramatic but

**Conner:** I would do anything for him

**Conner:** He is one of the most important people in my life

**Conner:** Just seeing him smile makes me irrationally happy

**Conner:** He hates it when I say this but I would die again for him in a heartbeat

**Conner:** I’ll stay with him for as long as he’ll let me

**Conner:** If he allows it, I’ll stay with him forever

**Conner:** As long as he’s happy, I don’t care about anything else

**Jason:** You really do care about him

**Conner:** I mean, he is my best friend

**Jason:** So you’re just friends?

**Conner:** Yes

**Conner:** Wait, why do you ask?

**Jason:** No reason

**Conner:** ok…

**Jason:** It just seems as if you two are very close for “best friends”

**Jason:** I only want to make sure that my _baby_ _brother_ is safe

**Conner:** I don’t understand

**Jason:** I think you do.

**Conner:** Tim doesn’t like me that way

**Jason:** But you like him

**Conner:** He’s my best friend

**Jason:** Now you’re being deliberately obtuse

**Conner:** I mean he’s my best friend and I don’t want to ruin that

**Jason:** So you like him, what’s the big deal?

**Jason:** Just confess

**Conner:** Why do you care?

**Jason:** Honestly, I don’t

**Jason:** Bye

 

 

**_[12:27 pm]_ **

 

**_Jason - > Steph_ **

 

**Jason:** So I messed up

**Steph:** What else is new?

**Jason:** Shut up

**Jason:** Anyway, I got Conner to confess

**Steph:** What? NO!

**Steph:** How?

_Jason sent a screenshot_

_Jason sent a screenshot_

**Steph:** ohmygod that is so cute I could barf

**Jason:** So Conner likes Tim and Tim likes Conner and they’re both idiots?

**Steph:** Sounds about right

**Jason:** What are we going to do about it?

**Steph:** Why, Jason. You’re not suggesting we meddle, are you?

**Jason:** these morons need help

**Steph:** Why do you care?

**Jason:** Ugh

**Jason:** Conner asked me the same thing

**Jason:** I’m going to be emotionally honest before we forget I said anything and delete these texts.

**Steph:** Okay...

**Jason:** I like seeing Tim happy

**Jason:** I know that Conner makes him happy

**Jason:** When he mentions Conner he gets that dumb smile and actually looks his age for a minute before he remembers what a steaming trash heap his life is.

**Jason:** I just want one of us to be happy

**Jason:** Okay, that’s enough emotions for one day

**Steph:** You’re a really softie, ya know?

**Jason:** Shut your mouth, I got a reputation to keep

**Steph:** SO!

**Steph:** What’s the plan?

 

 

**_Jason created Dumbasses in Love_ **

**_Jason added Steph and Cass_ **

 

**Cass:** ?

**Jason:** We’re plotting to get Tim and Conner together

**Cass:** :-D

**Steph:** Is it okay if I add people?

**Jason:** Not Dick

**Steph:** Hell no

**_Steph added Cassie_ **

**Steph:** We’re planning to get our ex-boyfriends together

**Steph:** You want in?

**Cassie:** YES

**Cassie:** Wait

**Cassie:** What do you know?

**Steph:** Conner said, and I quote,

**Steph:** “I care about him a lot”

**Steph:** “He is one of the most important people in my life”

**Steph:** and “I would do anything for him”

**Steph:** He didn’t exactly say “I’m in love with Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne” but yeah

**Cassie:** Oh, thank god

**Cassie:** I didn’t want to accidentally expose him, but my boy is smitten

**Steph:** Good, because Tim is pinning and it’s driving me crazy

**Cassie:** Can I add Bart?

**Cassie:** I feel bad that he doesn’t know

**Jason:** Who?

**Steph:** Sure!

**_Cassie added Bart_ **

**Bart:** Why am I here?

**Cassie:** Tim and Conner are in love

**Cassie:** We’re trying to make them confess

**Jason:** Don’t you think it’s a little early to use the word love?

**Cassie:** No, I don’t

**Cassie:** I’m fairly certain Tim loved Conner before he died, even if he didn’t realize it

**Steph:** Tim falls in love headfirst and I can’t see Conner being any different

**Cass:** Love

**Cass:** It’s love

**Steph:** Cass has spoken!

**Steph:** The verdict:

**Steph:** TRUE LOVE!!!

**Cass:** ?

**Steph:** Let me live my dreams

**Cassie:** You okay, Bart?

**Cassie:** You’ve been real quiet

**Cassie:** ….

**Cassie:** You’re having a mental breakdown, aren’t you

**Bart:** asedkf

**Bart:** krfkddfjaw;eftr

**Bart:** HOW LONG????????!??!??!?!??!??!

**Cassie:** A while

**Bart:** TIM AND CONNER???????

**Jason:** yeah

**Bart:** OUR TIM AND CONNER???!?!??!??

**Steph:** Yep

**Bart:** alsdf;akdjgm;aemweollkfkja fvchjadks.jkdsf

**Jason:** Translation?

**Cassie:** I can’t believe this is happening and I need a moment because I don’t understand my emotions

**Jason:** Fair enough

**Steph:** Any ideas for how to get the morons together?

**Cassie:** Lock them in a closet until they confess

**Bart:** You’ve been reading too much fanfiction

**Steph:** There is no such thing as too much fanfiction

**Jason:** Conner is a Kryptonian and Tim’s been trained to escape just about everything

**Jason:** I don’t think a closet’s going to hold them

**Cassie:** spoilsport

**Steph:** Let me guess

**Steph:** Your suggestion is going to be that we fake love letters or something and trick them both into confessing a la Much Ado About Nothing

**Jason:** That could work

**Steph:** Tim’s been trained to spot forgeries and would find it out in a minute

**Cassie:** What’s your suggestion?

**Steph:** Invite them on a group outing and bail, leaving them alone on a date

**Cassie:** that sounds…

**Cassie:** Pretty good honestly

**Bart:** Or at least, less likely to backfire on us

**Jason:** So phase one of Operation Dumbasses is a go

**Bart:** Let’s get them a date!

**Cass:** :-D

**Cassie:** Tim was right, those are weird

****

****

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[5:29 pm]_ **

 

**the mom friend:** I HATE MAGIC

**Human Disaster:** Did you annoy Klarion again?

**the mom friend:** I don’t know what you’re talking about

**Human Disaster:** Oh god

**the mom friend:** He’s too sensitive

**Casserole:** Quick question

**Casserole:** What color did he turn you?

**the mom friend:** He didn’t turn me any color

**the mom friend:** but he may have cursed me a little bit

**Human Disaster:** It’s always something with you

**Casserole:** What’s the curse?

**the mom friend:** I can’t lie

**Human Disaster:** Truth serums are the worst

**Human Disaster:** You have my pity but none of my sympathy.

**brat:** Does it work over text?

**the mom friend:** I don’t know

**the mom friend:** You can test it, but don’t ask anything embarrassing

**brat:** Do you think that barbecue chip and Nutella sandwich would be good?

**the mom friend:** That is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard of in my entire life.

**brat:** was that a lie or a truth?

**the mom friend:** Sorry, that was a truth

**the mom friend:** That’s just so disgusting I forgot to lie

**the mom friend:** That sounds amazing, Bart! :D

**the mom friend:** So I can lie over text

**Casserole:** Have you told anyone something you regret?

**the mom friend:** Not yet

**the mom friend:** Clark sent me to the Fortress of Solitude so I couldn’t say anything too truthful

**Human Disaster:** Do you need company?

**the mom friend:** nah

**the mom friend:** Don’t want to say something that would cause you to feel bad

**the mom friend:** I don’t want to tell you anything I wouldn’t say without this spell affecting me

**the mom friend:** I don’t want to use this curse as a reason to tell you how I feel

**Human Disaster:** ?

**the mom friend:** Well…

**the mom friend:** The truth is

**the mom friend:** Your hair was so spikey as Robin that I always wanted to tie it up in ribbons and bows

**Human Disaster:** That

**Human Disaster:** is not the way I thought that was going to go

**the mom friend:** Oh?

**Human Disaster:** yeah

**Human Disaster:** I thought that you were going to tell me something that I didn’t know

**Human Disaster:** Your obsession with my hair is nothing new

**the mom friend:** I wasn’t about to spill my secrets in front of Bart and Cassie

**brat:** Don’t mind us

**Casserole:** I have popcorn

**the mom friend:** I hate all of you

****

 

**_Dumbasses in Love_ **

 

**_[5:45 pm]_ **

 

_Bart sent a screenshot_

_Cassie sent a screenshot_

**Cassie:** DAMN IT BART!

**Cassie:** I wanted to be first

**Steph:** “I don’t want to use this curse as a reason to tell you how I feel”

**Steph:** Context please?

**Jason:** Last I checked, we don’t live in a sappy romance novel. what the hell

**Cassie:** So Kon pissed off Klarion again

**Bart:** Klarion cursed him to tell the truth

**Cassie:** He almost confesses

**Bart:** He said it doesn’t work over text, but I think it might be influencing him anyway

**Cassie:** So he can lie over text but still feels compelled to tell the truth?

**Bart:** Exactly

**Bart:** End story

**Jason:** Truth curse?

**Jason:** Those are nasty

**Jason:** What did he do?

**Cassie:** Good question

 

 

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[5:53 pm]_ **

 

**Casserole:** Hey Pinocchio

**the mom friend:** I have no strings to hold me down and no intention of turning into a donkey

**brat:** You can be an ass though

**the mom friend:** How dare you

**Casserole:** How’d you manage to annoy Klarion?

**the mom friend:** Nothing serious enough to be cursed for!

**Casserole:** sure

**the mom friend:** I only asked him if he plans to become a crazy cat lady

**Casserole:** So it’s your own fault

**the mom friend:** NO

**the mom friend:** Klarion is basically a crazy cat lady

**the mom friend:** but instead of ten cats, he has one who is demanding enough to be considered forty cats

 

****

**_Dumbasses in Love_ **

****

**_[5:45 pm]_ **

 

**Cassie:** He’s a moron

**Steph:** Nothing new there

**Cassie:** He insulted Klarion the Witch boy by calling him a crazy cat lady

**Jason:** Yeesh

**Steph:** How has he survived this long?

**Cassie:** Technically, he hasn’t

**Bart:** He died

**Cassie:** Yes, but remember he was only like three before he died

**Bart:** I forgot that

**Steph:** We should celebrate his birthday with an Elmo themed party

**Cassie:** He would hate that

**Cassie:** Let’s do it

**Steph:** He’ll probably kill us

**Bart:** Not if we got Tim in on it

**Cassie:** An excellent point

 

****

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[10:36 am]_ **

 

**Casserole:** Someone

**Casserole:** Please kill me

**the mom friend:** shut up you big drama queen

**Casserole:** Tim

**Casserole:** I’m begging

**Human Disaster:** I haven’t given in to the temptation to kill Damian yet

**Human Disaster:** I refuse to make you my first kill

**brat:** Out of curiosity

**Human Disaster:** It killed the cat

**the mom friend:** Catwoman?

**Human Disaster:** no

**brat:** OUT OF CURIOSITY

**brat:** If you had to kill someone, who would it be

**Human Disaster:** Easy

**Human Disaster:** The Joker

**the mom friend:** good choice, no one will miss him

**Human Disaster:** Followed immediately by Ra’s al Ghul

**Human Disaster:** Lex Luthor, Black Mask, and Captain Boomerang will be next

**Human Disaster:** Two-Face might be on the list, Talia and possibly Deathstroke

**Human Disaster:** Poison Ivy and Catwoman will be recruited to help

**Human Disaster:** Might ask Jason if he wants to join

**the mom friend:** That is disturbingly thought out

**Human Disaster:** I need a well thought out plan for when I eventually snap and become a supervillain

**Human Disaster:** Any suggestions to the list are welcome

**Casserole:** Can I get back to you?

**Human Disaster:** Sure

**Casserole:** ANYWAY

**Casserole:** Let’s talk about me

**brat:** okay

**brat:** sometimes I wonder if you are a natural blonde

**brat:** It looks fake to me

**Casserole:** EXCUSE ME

**Casserole:** I meant about how I feel like projectile vomiting my organs at my classmates and I need someone to pity me

**Casserole:** And I’ll have you know that I am a natural blonde, thank you very much

**brat:** The first time we met your hair was black

**Casserole:** That was a WIG!

**brat:** Sure

**Casserole:** I will barf on you

**Human Disaster:** Are you sick?

**Casserole:** YES

**Casserole:** My stomach feels sick, I have a headache, and my throat is scratchy

**Casserole:** One nostril is like the desert and the other is a swamp

**brat:** Ew

**Casserole:** How do you think I feel?

**Human Disaster:** Don’t come near me

**Human Disaster:** I don’t want your germs

**Casserole:** I will cough on everything you love

**the mom friend:** Are you okay? Do you need me to pick you up?

**Casserole:** I’m good

**Casserole:** Thank you, Mom.

**the mom friend:** You sure?

**Casserole:** Greta is in my next class, she can baby me until school’s out

**Human Disaster:** How’s she doing?

**Casserole:** Like I’d tell you, germophobe

**Human Disaster:** I have no spleen

**Casserole:** oh

**Casserole:** right

**Human Disaster:** Would you like me to ask Alfred to make you some chicken soup?

**Casserole:** Yes please

**Human Disaster:** I’ll send it over with Kon

**the mom friend:** What makes you think I’m going?

**Human Disaster:** Like you would let one of us be sick in peace

**brat:** Ma Kent really rubbed off on you

**brat:** But if you’re not going, I could drop off the soup

**the mom friend:** nah

**the mom friend:** I’m going

**the mom friend:** I already picked up some medicine

**the mom friend:** Cassie, do you want me to grab a movie?

**Casserole:** yes

**Casserole:** You choose, I’m just going to sleep through it

**the mom friend:** I got you

**Casserole:** thanks

**Casserole:** I got to go, my teacher is glaring at me

**brat:** Feel better soon!!!!!

****

**_[7:19 pm]_ **

 

**Casserole:** Hello Everyone!

**Casserole:** I’m feeling much better

**the mom friend:** I’m not

**the mom friend:** Tim, run while you can

**the mom friend:** Cassie poisoned me with her germs

**Casserole:** And I’m returning the favor and taking care of you

**brat:** I’ll stay far away from you two germ factories

**Casserole:** Good luck

**Human Disaster:** Are you sure it’s harmless?

**Casserole:** It’s just a cold

**Human Disaster:** It took you both down and you are some of the healthiest people I know

**brat:** I’m sure it’s nothing Tim

**Human Disaster:** I’ll send over some more soup

**Human Disaster:** Do you need more medicine?

**Casserole:** We’ll be fine

**Casserole:** Hey

**Casserole:** Why are you worried now that Kon’s sick?

**Casserole:** when I was sick it was “stay away”

**Casserole:** Kon’s sick and it’s “do you need soup”

**Casserole:** This is favoritism

**Human Disaster:** No, it’s the fact that this illness has now taken out half the group chat and the leader and tank of the Teen Titians.

**Human Disaster:** We’ll be understaffed until you two recover

**Human Disaster:** As your Co-Captain, _Cassie,_ I will have to step up and lead

**Human Disaster:** If there’s an emergency, I might have to ask for help

**brat:** Is that bad?

**Human Disaster:** I don’t want to. I’d rather be able to handle whatever comes up with the current team

**Human Disaster:** There are just too many people watching for me to make a mistake

**Human Disaster:** Half the League probably still thinks I’m crazy, remember?

**Human Disaster:** To make a long story short, hurry up and get better

**Human Disaster:** I’ll send you some tea, soup, and tissues

**Human Disaster:** Do you need anything else?

**Casserole:** not really, that covers everything

**Human Disaster:** Also, I don’t say this enough but

**Human Disaster:** I care about all of you and want you to get better

**Human Disaster:** Bart, want to come into quarantine with me and play video games?

**brat:** YES!!

**Human Disaster:** I’ll see the two of you when you’re less infectious

**Human Disaster:** Focus on getting better and text me if you need anything, okay?

**Casserole:** Will do

**Casserole:** Thanks, Tim.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Big Brother Jason trying to look out for Tim. I will probably bring more Batfam character in because I know the most about them. I try not to be too dramatic, but I live for sappy lines and romantic gestures. I'm also going to try to give more time to Bart, because I feel like I've been ignoring him lately. Steph and Cass will have a romantic subplot and I'm trying to fit that in.
> 
> Thank you all for you patience. I'm trying to be more reliable with updates and I promised myself I would update by Monday. It's Wednesday, but I tried.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	8. Murder, Halloween, and Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim is a bit of a workaholic, but his friends keep him balanced.

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[8:23 am]_ **

**the mom friend:** I LIVE

**brat:** YAY!

**Casserole:** Hey Spleen-boy

**Casserole:** We are no longer infectious

**Casserole:** Can we come over?

**Human Disaster:** I’m not home at the moment, but Bart can let you in

**the mom friend:** Where are you?

**Human Disaster:** Some of us have things called jobs

**Casserole:** Ugh

**Casserole:** wait

**Casserole:** Tim it’s Saturday

**Human Disaster:** Crime never sleeps

**Human Disaster:** Nor does Lex Luthor

**Human Disaster:** He makes my life hell

**the mom friend:** Punch him for me

**Human Disaster:** God I wish I could

**Human Disaster:** Tam has been watching me like a hawk

**Human Disaster:** If I so much as sneeze wrong she’ll make sure I suffer for it

**Casserole:** Do you need us to fake an emergency to get you out of there?

**Human Disaster:** Nah

**Human Disaster:** I’ll be fine

**Human Disaster:** Just make sure Bart doesn’t eat all my ice-cream

**the mom friend:** Can do

**brat:** You can’t eat it either

**the mom friend:** Silence gremlin

**brat:** Just get over here

**brat:** Earl Edgar and Bernard make excellent pillows.

**the mom friend:** I’d bring Jimothy James, but I can’t exactly fly to Gotham with an over seven-foot-tall stuffed bear and not be questioned.

**brat:** Tim has games that haven’t been released yet

**Human Disaster:** Wait for me to get home to play _Batman: Hero and Legend_

**brat:** What’s that

**Human Disaster:** It’s a video game where you can play as Batman, both before and after Robin appeared on scene

**Casserole:** But the public doesn’t know Batman’s identity.

**Human Disaster:** no they don’t

**Human Disaster:** That’s the fun part

**Human Disaster:** The team that developed it made up a backstory based on speculation over the years.

**Human Disaster:** Here’s the plot:

**Human Disaster:** Batman’s secret identity is Jacob Cooper, a genius and part-time librarian. He grew up surrounded by poverty and crime and vowed to help those around him. He saved Bruce Wayne from a mugging wearing a makeshift Batman uniform and Bruce promised to fund his crusade.

**Human Disaster:** The game starts with a flash into the future. You see Batman surrounded by the Justice League, defending Earth from some big bad guy. Then the screen goes black and you get to plan “Batman’s” origin story and fight various Rogues, up until around the creation of the Justice League.

**the mom friend:** You sound like you’ve already played the game

**Human Disaster:** I helped make it

**the mom friend:** Why?

**Human Disaster:** I thought it would be funny

**Human Disaster:** I can’t wait to see Bruce’s face

**Human Disaster:** I put lots of Easter eggs in

**Human Disaster:** There’s even a scene where Bruce dresses up in the Batman uniform

**Casserole:** And Bruce just let you do this?

**Human Disaster:** He signed the paperwork to allow it

**Casserole:** And you didn’t forge his signature?

**Human Disaster:** If nothing else, this will be a lesson in reading what I ask him to

**the mom friend:** You are an evil munchkin

**Human Disaster:** I live to displease

**brat:** Did your meeting with Luthor end?

**Human Disaster:** No.

**Human Disaster:** I told him I needed to text Bruce for his opinion, but I’ve already decided to reject his offers.

**the mom friend:** I repeat

**the mom friend:** Evil munchkin

****

**_[6:01 pm]_ **

 

**brat:** Tim!

**brat:** Tim!

**brat:** Tim!

**brat:** Tim!

**brat:** TIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIM!

**Human Disaster:** WHAT

**brat:** Can you pick up carrots?

**Human Disaster:** what

**brat:** carrots

**brat:** you know, long orange sticks?

**brat:** Tim, when was the last time you ate a vegetable?

**Human Disaster:** I know what carrots are!

**Human Disaster:** Why do you need one?

**brat:** I don’t!

**brat:** Kon does

**Human Disaster:** that still explains nothing

**brat:** he’s making Irish stew and he needs carrots

**brat:** He says that if you pick up fresh lemons, he’ll make lemon tarts

**Human Disaster:** I swing by the store

**Human Disaster:** Anything else?

**brat:** I’ll ask

**brat:** He says butter

**brat:** “Good butter.”

**brat:** Can butter be bad?

**Human Disaster:** I’ll do my best

**Human Disaster:** Is the Irish stew for dinner?

**brat:** yeah!

**brat:** He has Cassie making fresh bread and I mashed the potatoes!

**Human Disaster:** Good job! Are you guys staying the night?

**brat:** THANKS! And yes, unless you kick us out.

**Human Disaster:** Nah, just wanted to know if I should plan on going on patrol or not.

**brat:** I thought you said it was Stephanie’s turn tonight?

**Human Disaster:** Yeah, but if I don’t have anything planned I tend to help out anyway.

**Human Disaster:** But if you guys are staying the night, I’ll stay in.

**brat:** AWESOME! I want to play Uno.

**Human Disaster:** Want to team up against Kon?

**brat:** YES!

**Human Disaster:** I’ll be home in twenty minutes and I’ll bring the groceries  

**brat:** see you soon!

 

 

**_[1:17am]_ **

 

**the mom friend:** Tim?

**the mom friend:** Are you on patrol?

**the mom friend:** I woke up and I couldn’t find you.

**the mom friend:** It’s okay if you can’t answer right away, I’ll ask Oracle.

**the mom friend:** Just text me when you can.

 

**_[1:34am]_ **

****

**Human Disaster:** I’m sorry

**Human Disaster:** Batgirl called me for help and I had to go

**the mom friend:** It’s okay.

**the mom friend:** Are you safe?

**Human Disaster:** I’m fine

**Human Disaster:** I took a baseball bat to the ribs earlier, but I’m good, my armor took most of it

**Human Disaster:** Batgirl is talking to Commissioner Gordon now.

**the mom friend:** What happened?

**Human Disaster:** She got a tip on a human trafficking ring and needed back up.

**Human Disaster:** These guys were real amateur hour, nothing to worry about. She thought they’d be tougher.

**the mom friend:** Do you need to stay out or are you done?

**Human Disaster:** I can come home if you want me to.

**the mom friend:** Don’t worry about me. If you need to finish patrol, it’s okay.

**the mom friend:** I’m here for you. If you get in trouble just shout. I’ll come for you.

**Human Disaster:** Thanks, Kon

**Human Disaster:** I’ll try to finish up

**Human Disaster:** I can get Steph to finish my route and I can be home in two hours.

**the mom friend:** I’ll see you then

**Human Disaster:** You don’t have to wait up for me

**the mom friend:** Yeah, but I want to

**the mom friend:** I’ll be productive and do homework while I wait.

**Human Disaster:** I’ll see you later then

**the mom friend:** Stay safe

**Human Disaster:** I will

****

****

****

**_[9:38 am]_ **

 

**Human Disaster:** Did you guys go home?

**Casserole:** Didn’t you see the note we left?

**Human Disaster:** No?

**Casserole:** Oh, well. We saw that there was a farmer’s market downtown and went to pick up some strawberries. Conner want to make pancakes

**Human Disaster:** okay

**Casserole:** We didn’t wake you up because Kon said you went to bed late and Bart should let you sleep

**Human Disaster:** Oh, okay.

**Casserole:** Bart is picking out flowers from a booth and Conner is trying to find honeycomb.

**Human Disaster:** Hey, I never got to ask you how college is going

**Casserole:** It’s good. I’m taking some online classes from Holliday College until I figure out what major I want.

**Casserole:** My life still feels like it’s in a transition phase, so I didn’t want to attend fulltime

**Human Disaster:** makes sense

**Casserole:** I’m still living with my mom but she’s not charging me rent, so I’m saving money

**Casserole:** Still wish I could move out but it’s not like I could live in the dorms

**Human Disaster:** Why not?

**Casserole:** I couldn’t explain my superhero time to a roommate and I can’t afford a single

**Casserole:** it’s just too big a risk

**Human Disaster:** I’m sure you’ll figure something out

**Casserole:** Hopefully soon

**the mom friend:** I found honeycomb and strawberries!

**the mom friend:** Good morning Tim!

**Human Disaster:** hey

**the mom friend:** Cassie, have you seen Bart?

**Casserole:** I thought he was with you?

**the mom friend:** Shit

**the mom friend:** I hear shouting

**the mom friend:** How much you want to bet…

**Casserole:** I’ll get him

**the mom friend:** Did you sleep okay, Tim?

**Human Disaster:** I slept fine.

**Human Disaster:** I actually feel well rested, for the first time this month

**the mom friend:** That’s what happens when you sleep instead of drinking coffee

**Human Disaster:** Do not speak those words to me

**the mom friend:** Suffer

**the mom friend:** Teaming up with Bart was an asshole move and you know it

**Human Disaster:** You noticed?

**the mom friend:** Tim, you might be an expert liar, but Bart sure as hell isn’t

**the mom friend:** Speaking of Bart, I should probably go looking for him and Cassie.

**Casserole:** I found bart

**brat:** hi

**the mom friend:** What did you do?

**brat:** So I want to start by saying I’m the innocent party

**the mom friend:** oh god

**Casserole:** he helped solve a murder

**Human Disaster:** WHAT

**brat:** So I really really really like homemade cookies

**brat:** And I saw a stand selling homemade baked goods

**brat:** I bought a couple

**brat:** But the owner mistook me for someone else and started yelling at me to stop eating his stuff even though I had paid for it!

**brat:** So I grabbed a tray of cookies and ran for it

**brat:** (not superfast, don’t worry)

**the mom friend:** So, the guy yells at you for doing something you didn’t do. Then you do it because he yelled at you?

**brat:** yea

**brat:** if he’s going to yell anyway, I want to do something to deserve it

**brat:** anyway, I was running with the tray of cookies when I ran into some cops

**brat:** Turns out the bakery stands owner’s brother is wanted for questioning about the murder of this drug dealer.

**brat:** I offer to let them pretend to have caught me and talk to the owner

**brat:** They say yes, and fake drag me back to the owner, who is as red as a radish from all the screaming he’d been doing.

**brat:** He sees me and the police dudes and thanks them for catching “that dirty little thief”

**brat:** They ask if they can look around his stand to see if anything else was stolen

**brat:** He got real nervous but agreed

**brat:** And they looked around to see if his brother is hiding anywhere

**brat:** You could tell they didn’t think they were going to find anything

**brat:** And then they found this guy’s decapitated head was in the bakery stand’s cooler with a bunch of water bottles

**brat:** Gotham, am I right?

**brat:** So anyway, I’m not hungry anymore and they arrested the owner

**Human Disaster:** oh my god

**Casserole:** Yup

**Casserole:** So, we’re coming home now.

**Human Disaster:** Did you guys get everything you wanted

**the mom friend:** I bought some homemade soap for Ma

**brat:** I got some flowers

**Human Disaster:** We are so proud of you

**Human Disaster:** Wait, who did the decapitated head belong to?

**Human Disaster:** Was it the murdered drug dealer’s head?

**brat:** I think it was the owner’s brother’s head

**Human Disaster:** …

 

 

**_[11:09 am]_ **

**Human Disaster:** SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS

**the mom friend** : NO

**Human Disaster:** SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE

**Casserole:** IT’S STILL SEPTEMBER

**Human Disaster:** BARELY

**brat:** SHRIEKING SKULLS WILL SHOCK YOUR SOUL

**the mom friend:** Not you too

**Human Disaster:** WHO READY FOR HALLOWEEN?!!!??!?!??

**brat:** OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Casserole:** Need I remind you that it is still SEPTEMBER

**Human Disaster:** You mean pre-October

**Casserole:** no

**brat:** we need to decide costumes

**the mom friend:** Okay, now I’m in

**Human Disaster:** Are we doing a group costume or what?

**brat:** Hear me out

**brat:** Teletubbies group costume

**Human Disaster:** Hear me out

**Human Disaster:** no

**the mom friend:** going to have to side with Tim on this one

**Human Disaster:** I’m going shopping for Halloween decorations after work, anyone want to come?

**brat:** Hell yeah!

**Casserole:** Sure

**the mom friend:** count me in

**Human Disaster:** So, I meet you all at home and then we’ll go shopping?

**Casserole:** Sounds good to me!

**the mom friend:** wait a minute

**Human Disaster:** What?

**the mom friend:** You said ‘home’ and no one disagreed

**Human Disaster:** Well, you guys have slept over for the past week

**Casserole:** It’s more convenient

**brat:** I like his apartment and being close to you guys. It’s like Titian’s Tower without the constant threat of supervillain attacks.

**the mom friend:** I’m not bashing it. It’s just funny how quickly ‘Tim’s apartment’ became ‘our home’.

**Casserole:** It’s nice

**Casserole:** It’s kind of like a dorm, but with my best friends in the world and no adults questioning me

**Casserole:** I wish I could live like this forever

**Human Disaster:** I wouldn’t mind

**Casserole:** What?

**Human Disaster:** My apartment is huge and I own the whole building. If you wanted to pick an apartment and move in, I probably wouldn’t even notice

**Casserole:** Can I think about it?

**Human Disaster:** Sure.

**Human Disaster:** That goes for you two as well.

**Human Disaster:** Bart, Kon, if you want to move in

**brat:** I’d like to!!!

**Human Disaster:** If you want to pick out an apartment before we go shopping I can get you a set of keys while we’re out

**the mom friend:** I’d have to talk to Ma about it, but if you don’t mind…

**Human Disaster:** Not at all. Honestly, I’ve been a little lonely living by myself again.

**Human Disaster:** You don’t have to pay rent and first come, first serve for pick of the apartments.

**Human Disaster:** And I bet I could build something like a teleporter that would allow you to travel in and out of Gotham discreetly.

**Casserole:** Oh my god, this could actually work

**Human Disaster:** You could each pick a penthouse and then we could have a communal area.

**Human Disaster:** I could renovate the building so it’s more connected and build an awesome media room for movie and video game nights

**brat:** What about a community kitchen and dining area?

**Human Disaster:** That sound like a promising idea

**brat:** Then we can have dinner together more

**Human Disaster:** If you guys pick out apartments, I’ll talk to my contractor about renovations.

**Human Disaster:** if you want to make changes, now’s your chance.

**Casserole:** I like this plan

**Casserole:** But Tim, are you sure?

**Casserole:** I don’t want to leech off of you

**Human Disaster:** I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure. We could each have our own space, but we’d be close enough in case of an emergency or a movie night

**Casserole:** You’re so practical

**the mom friend:** What about Batman?

**Human Disaster:** He doesn’t get a say in my life. It’s my building, my property, my friends. He has no right to tell me what to do anymore.

**brat:** he doesn’t like metas in his city though

**Human Disaster:** It’s not just HIS city anymore, and frankly, it never was.

**Human Disaster:** And you guys aren’t just metas, you’re my friends

**Human Disaster:** If he doesn’t like it, too bad.

**Casserole:** Wow.

**Human Disaster:** If he does bother you at all, just tell me

**Human Disaster:** I’ll kick his ass for you guys

**brat:** Aww, we love you too!

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pain in the butt to write. Sorry it took me forever and I hope you guys like it. If you have any ideas for Halloween costumes, I'd be happy to hear them! The Teletubbies costume joke came from one of my favorite Klance fics, call me, beep me. It's a great chat fic and I love it.   
> So, the gangs moving in together and things are starting to come together. Hopefully, there will be more Timkon in the next chapter!


	9. THIS IS HALLOWEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang celebrates Halloween and stuffs themselves with candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everybody! I'm not dead! Sorry for completely disappearing, it wasn't my plan, but life seemed to go from one big mess to another. I didn't even get to celebrate Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. That being said, life is settling down a bit and I'm getting back to writing. I haven't abandoned this fic or The Road to I Do.   
> The Thanksgiving chapter is already finished and should be up soon. Christmas chapter is a WIP, but after that I'll be back to writing day to day life! Thank you all for your patience!

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[1:49 pm]_ **

**Casserole:** Conner, what color paint did you want?

 **Casserole:** Why are there so many shades of white

 **Casserole:** Eggshell

 **Casserole:** Cream

 **Casserole:** Off-white

 **Casserole:** Bruce Wayne

 **Casserole:** Pale White

 **brat:** one of those is not like the others

 **the mom friend:** is Bruce Wayne really a white paint?

 **Casserole:** No, but it should be

 **Human Disaster:** He’s so white he practically glows in the dark

 **Human Disaster:** That’s why Batman only patrols at night

 **Human Disaster:** He’s afraid of tan lines

 **Casserole:** And here I thought he was a vampire

 **Human Disaster:** I still don’t know why anyone thinks that

 **the mom friend:** He dresses up like a giant bat.

 **the mom friend:** If there’s another reason, I don’t want to know

 **Human Disaster:** Fair point

 **Casserole:** Kon focus!

 **Casserole:** What color paint?

 **the mom friend:** I actually do want white.

 **Casserole:** Go die in a hole

 **the mom friend:** Just pick up any shade, as long as it looks white

 **Casserole:** Can do.

 **Casserole:** Also, Tim. The contractor said that he could have the theater finished before Halloween.

 **Casserole:** I demand a horror/halloween movie marathon.

 **Human Disaster:** YES

 **the mom friend:** Movie ideas, go!

 **brat:** Hocus Pocus!

 **Casserole:** The Shining

 **Human Disaster:** Nightmare before Christmas!!!!!!

 **the mom friend:** I want the Addam’s Family

 **Human Disaster:** I love Morticia and Gomez

 **the mom friend:** How long has it been since we waltzed?

 **Human Disaster:** Oh, Gomez… hours.

 **the mom friend** : They have the best relationship

 **Human Disaster:** We should invite Anita, Cassie, and Greta over for Halloween.

 **brat:** Do people go trick or treating in Gotham?

 **the mom friend:** It seems like tempting fate to be honest

 **Human Disaster:** Yeah, Halloweens really popular in Gotham

 **Human Disaster:** Arkham Asylum sedates the Joker and Scarecrow for the week of Halloween, so they can’t try anything

 **Human Disaster:** the Riddler sets up a fake house just so he can give up candy

 **the mom friend:** Really?

 **Human Disaster:** Yeah, he makes you answer a riddle for candy. He adjusts it according to age.

 **Human Disaster:** The Penguin hands out full-size snickers.

 **Human Disaster:** Alfred makes giant goodie bags filled with all sorts of treats to hand out

 **the mom friend:** We should buy candy too

 **brat:** YES! That’s the best part of Halloween!

 **Casserole:** The little kids always look so cute in their costumes!

 **Human Disaster:** We should keep count of how many kids show up in JL costumes.

 **Casserole:** I’m giving every kid in Wonder Women gear extra candy

 **Human Disaster:** I expect nothing less.

 **brat:** GUYS!

 **brat:** We forgot about costumes!!!!

 **the mom friend:** We’re still doing a group costume, right?

 **Human Disaster:** We have to.

 **Casserole:** Agreed

 **the mom friend:** Suggestions?

 **Human Disaster:** Scooby-Doo gang

 **Casserole:** We all dress up as Batman

 **the mom friend:** dress up like each other’s mentors, like Cassie as Flash, Bart as Wonder Woman, etc

 **brat:** Pirates!!!!

 **Casserole:** The Power Puff girls, and I’ll be the Professor

 **Human Disaster:** DnD classes, Bard, Paladin, Rouge, Wizard, or other

 **the mom friend:** Sailor Moon scouts

 **brat:** Angels VS Devils

 **Casserole:** The four seasons!

 **Human Disaster:** That’s a lot of ideas

 **the mom friend:** Yeah.

 **Human Disaster:** I like almost all of them

 **the mom friend:** Which one don't you like

 **Human Disaster:** If you think I'm wearing a mini-skirt and waving a wand in the name of justice, you've got another thing coming

 **brat:** Why don’t we put them all in a hat and use whatever comes out?

 **Casserole:** Sounds fair!

 **Human Disaster:** I’m going to regret this, but sure.

 **the mom friend:** I’ll get the hat

 **brat:** It was my idea so I get to choose from the hat!

****

**_[2:01 pm]_ **

 

 **the mom friend:** And the results are in

 **the mom friend:** Drum roll please

 **brat:** Da da da DUM

 **the mom friend:** Thank you Bart

 **the mom friend:** PIRATES!!!!

 **Casserole:** Neat!

 **Human Disaster:** I nominate Cassie for captain

 **brat:** Team leader = pirate captain, YES!!!

 **Casserole:** Tim, I want to for my first mate.

 **the mom friend:** Just like real life

 **Human Disaster:** Kon can be the guy that washes the poop deck

 **the mom friend:** Ha ha, very funny

 **Human Disaster:** Yes, I thought so

 **brat:** We should decorate the apartment building to look like a pirate ship!!!!

 **Human Disaster:** And hand out candy from a treasure chest?

 

 **the mom friend:** What’s our ship’s name?

 **Casserole:** The Titan?

 **Human Disaster:** A bit on the nose, don’t you think?

 **the mom friend:** The Cursed something?

 **brat:** Why are we cursed?

 **Casserole:** Maybe we’re ghost pirates? Like the Flying Dutchman?

 **the mom friend:** YES

 **brat:** What if we were ghosts at night?

 **Human Disaster:** I’m down. I want to try out some make up that only works under blacklight. I could make skull faces.

 **Casserole:** PERFECT

 **brat:** So our ship could be the Cursed what?

 **Casserole:** The Cursed Haunt?

 **Human Disaster:** I like it

 **the mom friend:** I’m sold.

 **Human Disaster:** We need to buy a lot of candy

 **the mom friend:** Bart’s just going to eat half of it before Halloween

 **brat:** AND????

 **Casserole:** As the captain, I demand a big hat

 **Human Disaster:** With a feather?

 **Casserole:** A giant feather!

 **the mom friend:** At least one of us needs an eyepatch

 **brat:** I WANT AN EYEPATCH

 **Human Disaster:** Bart has lay claim to the eyepatch. Does anyone object?

 **the mom friend:** Nay

 **Casserole:** nay

 **Human Disaster:** The council is in agreement.

 **Human Disaster:** The eyepatch goes to Pirate Bart

 **brat:** YESSSSS

 **brat:** Also TIM

 **brat:** When you go shopping for candy I want skittles

 **Casserole:** Almond joys

 **the mom friend:** peanut m &ms

 **Human Disaster:** Noted

 **Human Disaster:** I’m going to make my own costume

 **Casserole:** Really?

 **Human Disaster:** Yeah, I like making costumes. I made an outfit for a medieval fair once and it turned out great

 **Casserole:** I’ve always wanted to go to a medieval fair

 **Human Disaster:** It’s really awesome, we should go sometime

 **Casserole:** Can you help me make my costume?

 **Human Disaster:** Sure!

 **brat:** I would also like help

 **the mom friend:** Same. I don’t want to buy one of those cheap costumes

 **Human Disaster:** Plan what you guys want to make and I help!

 

**_[12:01 am]_ **

 

 **Human Disaster:** HALLOWEEN

 **Human Disaster:** HALLOWEEN

 **Human Disaster:** THIS IS HALLOWEEN

 **the mom friend:** Tim go the fuck to sleep

 **Human Disaster:** Okay  <3

****

**_[4:42 pm]_ **

 

 **Human Disaster:** People are probably going to start trick or treating soon

 **Human Disaster:** You guys got everything set up?

 **the mom friend:** yup

 **the mom friend:** And as predicted, Bart ate half of the candy immediately

 **brat:** Hey!

 **the mom friend:** I’ve made snacks and Bart made the goodie bags to hand out

 **Casserole:** I set up a Halloween Movie Marathon in the theatre/media room

 **brat:** Cissie is picking up Anita and Greta on her way over, and Rose might be stopping by.

 **brat:** Steph and Cass are also coming and we’ll probably have people dropping in and out all night

 **Casserole:** Just get home so we can get changed into costumes!

 **Human Disaster:** I’m on my way

 **Human Disaster:** Tam wants to come too

 **the mom friend:** She’s always welcome

 **Casserole:** Yeah, Tam’s cool!

 **Human Disaster:** Great, I be there in ten

 **brat:** See you soon!

****

 

**_[5:16 pm]_ **

 

_Cassie - >  Conner_

 

 **Cassie:** You good?

 **Conner:** I’m a disaster

 **Conner:** He looks stunning

 **Conner:** Why, god? Why?

 **Cassie:** Get your life together

 **Conner:** He tied his hair back!!!!!

 **Cassie:** It's just a ponytail

 **Conner:** It's so fluffy!!!

 **Cassie:** His costume did come out nice

 **Conner:** Nice? NICE?

 **Conner:** He’s hot as hell!

 **Conner:** He looks like model that turned to a life of piracy!

 **Conner:** He wouldn’t even have to rob people, they’d be throwing money at him

 **Cassie:** Are you calling him a stripper?

 **Conner:** Do _not_ put that thought in my head

 **Cassie:** ;)

 

 

**_[5:23 pm]_ **

 

_Tim - > Steph_

**Tim:** help

 **Tim:** I’m dying

 **Steph:** Is this about Conner?

 **Tim:** …

 **Tim:** no?

 **Steph:** Then die quietly.

 **Tim:** Okay, it is about Conner

 **Steph:** I’m listening

 **Tim:** Stephanie, it’s not fair

 **Tim:** He looks like the cover of a cheap romance novel!

 **Tim:** I should have made his costume out of burlap sacks

 **Tim:** That might have stopped this nonsense.

 **Steph:** Ex-boyfriend, I pity you

 **Steph:** Me and Cass are coming as Sharkboy and Lavagirl

 **Tim:** You guys are such a cute couple

 **Steph:** …

 **Steph:** we aren’t a couple

 **Tim:** You’re killing me Steph

 **Steph:** We are going as friends

 **Tim:** Okay

 **Steph:** Which we are

 **Tim:** Yeah

 **Steph:** Cass doesn’t like me like that

 **Tim:** Incorrect, but sure

 **Steph:** What?

 **Tim:** Food for thought

 **Steph:** You must be imagining things

 **Tim:** I figured out Batman’s identity when I was nine.

 **Tim:** I’m pretty good at figuring things out

 **Steph:** Except when people have crushes on you

 **Tim:** How was I supposed to know that you hitting me with bricks was your way of flirting?

 **Steph:** You were so dense!

 **Steph:** I said “hey robin, you’re really cool, want to hang out?”

 **Tim:** I do hope you’re more subtle when you’re flirting with Cass

 **Steph:** I don’t flirt with Cass!

 **Steph:** Besides, I meant you were oblivious to Conner’s crush on you

 **Tim:** BEGONE

 **Steph:** Me and Cass will be there in five, hope Conner’s abbs don’t kill ya

 

 

**_Core4_ **

 

**_[7:16 pm]_ **

****

**the mom friend:** Tim, you coming back soon?

 **the mom friend:** We’re watching Nightmare before Christmas next

 **Human Disaster:** Conner, grab bart and cassie and get to the door

 **Human Disaster:** I got four little trick-or-treaters that are looks familiar

 **Casserole:** Is that a little wondergirl!!!!

 **Human Disaster:** And a mini impulse and original superboy!!!

 **the mom friend:** The little robin!!!!!!!!!! He’s getting a big goodie bag

 **the mom friend:** His little cape!

 **the mom friend:** Oh my god Tim, were you ever that small?

 **Human Disaster:** Yes?

 **Human Disaster:** Not when I was robin, but I was once ten.

 **brat:** I got a picture of them!

 **Human Disaster:** Come on, the others are waiting

 **brat:** BACK TO THE MOVIES!!!

 

 

**_[10:48 pm]_ **

 

_Tim - > Conner_

**Tim:** I don’t like this movie

 **Conner:** Yeah, I thought IT might not be a hit with the Gotham crowd

 **Tim:** Steph is clutching Cass like a teddy bear

 **Tim:** I want a teddy bear

 **Conner:** You can always come cuddle me ;)

 **Tim:** …

 **Tim:** Yeah, okay

 **Conner:** Wait, really?

 **Tim:** Move the popcorn, I’m coming over

****

 

**_[10:51 pm]_ **

_Cassie - > Conner_

 

 **Cassie:** I _see_ you

 **Conner:** Cassie, this is no time for jokes

 **Cassie:** You look pretty comfy

 **Conner:** Cassie!

 **Cassie:** Oh, chill out.

 **Cassie:** And don’t wiggle so much, he’s drifting off

 **Conner:** Cassandra Sandsmark, the guy I’m in love with is sitting in my lap

 **Cassie:** I know, I can see you

 **Cassie:** You’re looking pretty red

 **Conner:** Gee, I wonder why

 **Conner:** Can you pass me the popcorn? I’m not moving, probably ever

 

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[9:52 am]_ **

**brat:** I’m never eating candy again

 **Human Disaster:** I have some leftover Reece’s cups

 **brat:** OOOOHHH

 **Casserole:** NO

 **Casserole:** No one even mention candy

 **the mom friend:** Steph’s making waffles

 **Casserole:** tell her that I love her

 **Human Disaster:** Good morning, Conner

 **Human Disaster:** Sorry for falling asleep on you

 **the mom friend:** Don’t worry about it! You can fall asleep on me anytime

 **the mom friend:** Rose and Anita had to leave, Greta, Cissie, Steph, and Cass are in the kitchen with me if the three of you ever plan on getting out of bed.

 **Casserole:** But Tim’s bed is so comfy

 **the mom friend:** I’ll eat all the waffles

 **brat:** We’re coming!!!

 **brat:** I wonder if I can convince Stephanie to make me Snickers and Starburst waffles

 **Casserole:** Bleugh

 **brat:** Happy Halloween!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Halloween Chapter! Special thanks to Tessamay, Rika_Chan12, and Marauding_Moony for their suggestions! I did exactly what was described in the story and put your suggestions alongside some of my own ideas in a hat and drew a random one. I ended up with pirates and decided to roll with it. Thank you!


	10. Thanksgiving and Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plans Thanksgiving!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! The Thanksgiving Chapter is up! Sorry for the delay. The rate I'm going, I'll have the Christmas Chapter up by May.

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[6:29 pm]_ **

**Casserole:** So how are we doing Thanksgiving?

 **the mom friend:** What do you mean?

 **Casserole:** Are we celebrating together here, going home to our families, or what?

 **the mom friend:** I could go back to the Kent’s house

 **brat:** I don’t really have a home to go back to.

 **Human Disaster:** I don’t want to go back to the Manor

 **Human Disaster:** I mean, I’ll miss Alfred’s cooking, but it be worth it to avoid the demon brat and all the drama

 **Casserole:** What if we hold a big thanksgiving?

 **Casserole:** We could invite my mom, the Kents, Alfred, and anyone else we want?

 **brat:** That sounds nice

 **the mom friend:** how much turkey do you think it take to feed everyone

 **Casserole:** so many

 **Human Disaster:** I don’t think we could host everyone here, but we could probably rent a place or hold it at the League

 **brat:** Holding it at the League feels impersonal

 **Casserole:** Not to mention it would feel like a work thanksgiving

 **the mom friend:** So we’ll rent a place

 **Human Disaster:** who are we inviting?

 **Casserole:** My mom

 **the mom friend:** Ma and Pa Kent and maybe Clark’s family

 **Human Disaster:** I want to invite Jason and see if he wants to bring Roy and Kori

 **Human Disaster:** I should ask Bruce and Alfred if to see if they’re interested.

 **brat:** I could ask Barry and Iris and Wally might want to

 **Human Disaster:** I’ll invite the Fox family, Cass and Steph, and do you want to invite Diana, Cassie?

 **the mom friend:** Even if half these people show up, it’ll be huge

 **Human Disaster:** I know, but I don’t want to make anyone feel left out

 **Casserole:** Tim could you oversee location and buying food?

 **Human Disaster:** Like the rest of you could afford the number of turkeys we’ll need

 **Casserole:** Shut up, rich boy

 **brat:** Speaking of food, menu?

 **Human Disaster:** Turkey, duh

 **the mom friend:** We’ll need a fuck ton of mashed potatoes

 **Casserole:** My mom makes the best cranberry sauce

 **brat:** Wally always raved about Aunt Iris green bean casserole

 **the mom friend:** And Ma will make pie, even if we ask her not to

 **Human Disaster:** So maybe we ask everyone to bring one thing and make a little of everything?

 **the mom friend:** I’ll handle the mashed potatoes

 **Casserole:** You’re really stuck on the potatoes, aren’t ya

 **the mom friend:** I like potatoes

 **Casserole:** I want to make sweet potato casserole

 **Human Disaster:** I’m fairly competent at dinner rolls

 **brat:** What can I do?

 **Casserole:** Maybe you can multitask and help peel potatoes and such?

 **brat:** Sounds good!!!

 **Human Disaster:** I’ll ask Jason and Alfred to help me with the turkeys and gravy

 **the mom friend:** I’ll ask Ma and Pa

 **Human Disaster:** I’ll invite my family

 

 

**_[6:59 pm]_ **

 

_Conner - > Ma _

 

 **Conner:** What are you and Pa doing for thanksgiving?

 **Ma:** Oh, nothing much. I don’t think we have anything special planned

 **Ma:** What about you?

 **Ma:** Are you spending it with your boyfriend?

 **Conner:** MA

 **Conner:** For the last time, Tim isn’t my boyfriend

 **Ma:** Oh yes, silly me

 **Ma:** I forgot you still haven’t plucked up the courage to confess

 **Ma:** Coward

 **Conner:** SO THANKSGIVING

 **Ma:** Sweetheart, you know you’re always welcome to join us

 **Conner:** Actually, I wanted to know if you’d like to spend Thanksgiving with us

 **Conner:** Me and my roommates are going to invite all our families to celebrate with us

 **Ma:** Oh that sounds lovely

 **Ma:** I’ll bring pie

 **Conner:** You don’t have to do that

 **Ma:** How many people are coming?

 **Conner:** A lot

 **Conner:** 15-20 people, I think

 **Ma:** I’ll bring lots of pies

 **Conner:** MA

 **Ma:** Are you inviting Clark?

 **Conner:** Do you think I should?

 **Ma:** I always want to see my boys get along

 **Ma:** But I don’t think it could hurt

 **Ma:** If he already has plans, you tried

 **Ma:** If he and Lois can come, I can prove my pie skill to Lois once again

 **Conner:** It’s always a competition with you, isn’t it?

 **Ma:** Is Alfred Pennyworth going to be there?

 **Conner:** I dunno, Tim’s going to ask him

 **Ma:** Make sure he’s there

 **Conner:** You’re going to passive aggressively show off your pies to him too

 **Ma:** We need to have a bake off

 **Conner:** Can’t you just gloat to Lois?

 **Ma:** Lois isn’t a cook

 **Ma:** I love her, she’s a sweetheart

 **Ma:** But Alfred is a chef

 **Ma:** He knows skill

 **Conner:** I tell Tim to tell Alfred that you think you can beat Alfred in a bake off

 **Ma:** You do that, sweetie

 **Ma:** I can’t wait to see you again

 **Ma:** And I can’t wait to see you make a fool of yourself in front of your boyfriend

 **Conner:** MA

 

****

**_Kent Club_ **

 

**_[7:09 pm]_ **

 

 **Conner:** So

 **Conner:** I already asked Ma

 **Conner:** But do you guys want to join me, Tim, Cassie, and Bart for our thanksgiving?

 **Lois:** Yes

 **Conner:** That was fast

 **Lois:** You’re saying I get to see you and your friends AND I don’t have to cook

 **Lois:** Yes

 **Clark:** Do you need us to bring anything?

 **Ma:** I’m bring pie

 **Ma:** You can bring anything but pie

 **Conner:** Literally no one is arguing with you

 **Conner:** But yeah, we’re asking everyone to bring a dish to share

 **Conner:** Just whatever you want

 **Lois:** I provide drinks

 **Lois:** wait

 **Lois:** I assume Bruce Wayne is coming

 **Lois:** He has the good wine

 **Conner:** Oh yeah

 **Conner:** None of the four of us can purchase alcohol

 **Lois:** I’ll bring some sparkling cider

 **Clark:** I can make stuffing

 **Conner:** Sounds good

 **Jon:** If Mr. Wayne is going, does that mean that Damian is going to be there?

 **Conner:** Tim still needs to talk to Bruce, but yeah, probably

 **Jon:** YES

 **Jon:** I can’t wait to meet everyone!

 **Jon:** Is Drake going to be there?

 **Conner:** Drake? Do you mean Tim? Yeah, of course?

 **Jon:** ….

 **Jon:** What?

 **Conner:** Tim is the only Drake I know?

 **Jon:** Your Tim and Damian’s brother Drake are the same person??????

 **Conner:** YES???

 **Jon:** WHAT

 **Jon:** Are you sure?

 **Conner:** Yes!

 **Jon:** I don’t believe this!

 **Lois:** Damian refers to everyone by their last name, remember?

 **Jon:** Yeah, but I didn’t think his BROTHER would have a different last name!!

 **Clark:** Tim’s adopted, sweetie

 **Jon:** oooohhh

 **Conner:** His last name isn’t Drake anymore

 **Conner:** It’s Drake-Wayne, but Damian refuses to add the Wayne because he’s a toad

 **Clark:** Conner!

 **Conner:** What?

 **Clark:** Don’t be rude

 **Conner:** Uh huh

 **Conner:** Anyway, Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne is both my Tim and Damian’s Tim

 **Conner:** *the Tim I know

 **Conner:** Not my Tim

 **Ma:** Uh huh

 **Conner:** Don’t you start

 **Ma:** Well, we’ll all be very excited to see Damian and your Tim on Thanksgiving

 **Conner:** BYE

 **Clark:** I’m so confused

****

****

**_[6:54 pm]_ **

_Tim - > Jason_

 

 **Tim:** What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

 **Jason:** ?

 **Tim:** What

 **Tim:** Are

 **Tim:** You

 **Tim:** Doing

 **Jason:** No, I understood the question

 **Jason:** Why are you asking?

 **Tim:** Me and my roommates are going to host thanksgiving together

 **Tim:** I wanted to know if you, Roy, and Kori had plans or if you wanted to join us

 **Jason:** Who else is coming?

 **Tim:** Unknown, I asked you first

 **Tim:** We’re inviting a lot of people

 **Tim:** Ma and Pa Kent, our Family, the West-Allen family, Cassie’s mom, and possibly Clark and his family and Diana

 **Jason:** Damn

 **Tim:** Yeah

 **Tim:** I also wanted to ask if you’d help me with turkey/gravy

 **Jason:** What about Alfred?

 **Tim:** What about him?

 **Jason:** Should you be asking him to help?

 **Tim:** I plan to

 **Tim:** But we’ll be feeding around between 15-20 people

 **Tim:** Conner just texted me, Ma and Pa Kent are coming and Ma plans to make at least six pies

 **Tim:** So yeah

 **Jason:** I’ll need to ask Roy and Kori

 **Jason:** What about Bruce?

 **Tim:** What about him?

 **Jason:** Is he coming?

 **Tim:** …

 **Tim:** I don’t know

 **Tim:** I still have to ask him

 **Tim:** I know you guys don’t get along, but I still want you both there

 **Tim:** but I’m not so sure about Dick and Damian

 **Jason:** Not sure?

 **Tim:** Not sure

 **Tim:** I just don’t know

 **Tim:** It’s difficult now, with Dick

 **Tim:** And it has never been even okay with Damian

 **Tim:** so I’m not sure

 **Jason:** I get it

 **Tim:** yeah?

 **Jason:** Sounds about what I feel with Bruce

 **Tim:** If you don’t want to talk to him, I can seat you on the other end of the table

 **Tim:** I don’t want Bruce to keep you from celebrating with us

 **Jason:** As I said, I have to talk to Roy and Kori

 **Jason:** But I’ll help you with the turkeys, even if I can’t come to the dinner

 **Tim:** Thanks, Jason

 

****

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[7:12 pm]_ **

 

 **the mom friend:** Clark and Lois are coming

 **the mom friend:** So are Ma and Pa

 **Human Disaster:** Is Ma bringing pie?

 **the mom friend:** I couldn’t stop her if I tried

 **brat:** WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO STOP HER!!!!!

 **the mom friend:** Don’t worry she’s bringing plenty

 **brat:** good

 **Human Disaster:** Jason is going to talk to Roy and Kori, but he’s promised to help cook

 **Casserole:** My mom is super excited to see everyone!

 **Casserole:** She’s really wanted to see you guys since we all moved in together

 **brat:** Aunt Iris and Uncle Barry have confirmed they’re coming and Aunt Iris is bringing green bean casserole!

 **the mom friend** : Oh yeah, Clark’s making stuffing and Lois said she’d bring drinks if Bruce’ll provide wine

 **Human Disaster: I’ve** already called Alfred and he said he’d be more than happy to help with cooking and to have thanksgiving with us

 **Casserole:** This is going to be insane

 **Human Disaster:** I know

 **Human Disaster:** Tell Lois I’ll talk to Bruce, but he refuses to drink shitty wine, so she’ll probably have something

 

**_[9:02 pm]_ **

_Tim - > Bruce_

**Tim:** Hey

 **Tim:** So

 **Tim:** I’m hosting Thanksgiving with Conner, Cassie, and Bart

 **Tim:** You don’t have to come but Ma’s bring pie and Alfred promised to help cook

 **Tim:** Conner invited Clark and Lois, so Jon will be there for Damian

 **Tim:** So yeah. Text me when you get these

 

**_[10:48 pm]_ **

 

 **Bruce:** HELLO TIM

 **Tim:** Jesus Christ

 **Bruce:** LANGUAGE

 **Tim:** Still haven’t figured out capslock yet, huh?

 **Bruce:** THIS PHONE IS TOO SMALL FOR MY FINGERS

 **Bruce:** WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE FOR THANKSGIVING. DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING ANYTHING

 **Tim:** Nah, Alfred’s already promised to help me and Jason make turkey

 **Bruce:** JASON WILL BE THERE????

 **Tim:** He doesn’t know yet, he has to check his calendar

 **Tim:** If he is there you can’t be weird

 **Bruce:** WEIRD HOW????

 **Tim:** 1) No excessive staring

 **Tim:** 2) Don’t try to talk to him if he doesn’t what to talk, you’ll make it awkward

 **Tim:** 3) If he makes an offhand comment about his death, no crying

 **Tim:** Or, if you must cry, don’t do it in the middle of dinner

 **Bruce:** CAN DO

 **Tim:** Oh! And Lois wants you to bring wine

 **Tim:** Since none of us can purchase alcohol

 **Tim:** Well, legally at least

 **Bruce:** WHERE WOULD YOU EVEN BUY ALCOHOL

 **Bruce:** YOU ARE A CHILD

 **Tim:** Bruce, we live in Gotham

 **Bruce:** WE’LL ALL SEE YOU AT THANKSGIVING

 **Tim:** See you at Thanksgiving!

 

****

**_[11:26 am]_ **

_Dick - > Tim_

**Dick:** Soooooooo

 **Dick:** Little bro

 **Dick:** Timmy

 **Dick:** Timbo

 **Dick:** Tiny Tim

 **Tim:** I’m up, what do you want

 **Dick:** Why so cranky?

 **Tim:** You woke me up

 **Dick:** Tim it’s nearly noon

 **Tim:** That means nothing to either us, don’t play dumb to me

 **Dick:** Alright, alright, sorry for waking you

 **Dick:** I just heard you’re having thanksgiving dinner at your place

 **Tim:** Yeah

 **Tim:** We’re having it at a private banquet hall, but yeah

 **Dick:** I’m inviting, right?

 **Tim:** Of course!

 **Tim:** Alfred’s coming and I couldn’t deny you his cooking

 **Dick:** You need help with anything?

 **Tim:** We got everything covered, but thanks

 **Tim:** Actually, could you or Bruce be on Damian-Wrangling duty?

 **Tim:** I don’t need him constantly challenging the other guests to fights

 **Dick:** We’ll handle him, don’t worry

 **Tim:** Thanks!

****

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[8:10 am]_ **

**Casserole:** RIGHT

 **Casserole:** Are you guys ready??????

 **brat:** YEAH

 **Human Disaster:** Conner and I will be in the kitchen

 **Casserole:** Bart will help me with decorations and prepping the venue

 **brat:** I want to make origami napkins!!

 **Casserole:** That’d be great!

 **the mom friend:** Doomsday is upon us

 **Human Disaster:** We shall face it with no fear

 **Casserole:** We shall stand firm in the eye of the storm

 **brat:** TURKEY

 **Human Disaster:** Thank you Bart

 **brat:** I just want to be included

 **the mom friend:** And we love you

****

**_[9:28 am]_ **

_Tim - > Jason_

**Tim:** So if you’re coming, Bruce promised not to be weird

 **Tim:** If he is weird, I give you full permission to smack him in the face with a pie

 **Tim:** Provided it’s not one of Ma Kent’s pies

 **Jason:** I’ve heard she’s a good cook, can you confirm?

 **Tim:** Hell yeah

 **Tim:** Whenever I go to the farm, she gives me seconds and leftovers and I love her

 **Tim:** She and Alfred are in a battle of passive-aggressive baking contest

 **Tim:** He’s going to bring homemade whipped cream and enough appetizers to feed an army

 **Jason:** Amazing

 **Tim:** It really is

 **Jason:** Well, can’t miss that, can I?

 **Tim:** So you’ll be at the dinner?

 **Jason:** Yeah, Roy and Kori will be there too

 **Jason:** Kori wants to bring a Tamaran dish “traditional to a feast of giving thanks”

 **Tim:** Okay…

 **Jason:** It looks like a still living squid covered in chocolate mouse

 **Jason:** stuffed with this little alien sardines with picked up last trip with blueberry eyes and cream cheese.

 **Tim:** eugh

 **Jason:** Roy nearly threw up when he first saw it

 **Tim:** Well

 **Tim:** Bet you we can make Bruce eat some

 **Tim:** Offer him some where Kori can hear him and he’ll have to eat it out of politeness

 **Jason:** That’s evil and I love it

 **Jason:** I’ll be over in a few to help

 **Tim:** See you in a few!

 

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[4:52 pm]_ **

**Casserole:** People should be here in a few, is everything ready?

 **Human Disaster:** Good news!

 **Human Disaster:** We put out the fire!

 **Casserole:** FIRE?

 **Human Disaster:** It’s gone and so are the dinner rolls

 **the mom friend:** Considering everything happening in the kitchen, the fact we’ve only had one fire is pretty impressive

 **Human Disaster:** Alfred and Jason have really been on top of the turkeys, so they turned out okay

 **Human Disaster:** Alfred banned me from working on the gravy

 **the mom friend:** How’s it going on your side?

 **Casserole:** It looks nice

 **brat:** We haven’t had any fires, so better than you

 **Casserole:** OOOOOOOOOhhhhh

 **the mom friend:** You get no turkey

 **Casserole:** Sounds like you don’t have control over that anymore

 **brat:** Yeah, I’ll just ask Alfred

 **Casserole:** We have to go, people are starting to arrive

 **brat:** I’ll help Ma

 **the mom friend:** how many pies did she make?

 **brat:** She and Pa are each carrying one and I can see at least five more

 **the mom friend:** oh boy

 **the mom friend:** We’ll be there with the food in five

 

**_[5:32 pm]_ **

****

_Jason - > Tim_

**Jason:** You ready?

 **Tim:** You were right, Kori’s dish is disgusting

 **Tim:** Let’s do this

 **Jason:** I’m bring Kori over to talk to Diana

 **Tim:** Good idea, she’ll be close enough to hear, but it won’t be suspicious

 **Jason:** You are such a ham

 **Jason:** “Oh bruce, have you tried what Kori made? She said it’s a Tamaran tradition!”

 **Tim:** It worked, didn’t it?

 **Jason:** Yeah yeah

 **Jason:** Oh god

 **Jason:** Look at Bruce’s face

 **Tim:** That’s his “I want to refuse, but it wouldn’t be polite and my mother and Alfred raised me better so I’ll just suffer in silence” face

 **Jason:** It’s a thing of beauty

 **Jason:** Kori looks so hopeful, how can he deny her?

 **Tim:** He just took a bite

 **Jason:** Fuck

 **Tim:** I’m filming this

 **Jason:** Send it to me?

 **Tim:** Of course

 **Jason:** He’s still chewing

 **Tim:** He looks like he’s trying not to cry

 **Tim:** That’s the face of a broken man

 **Jason:** Bane couldn’t break batman, but Kori’s cooking managed

 **Tim:** Shit, he’s looking straight at me

 **Jason:** HE KNOWS

 **Tim:** SCATTER

 

****

**_Core4_ **

****

**_[8:02 pm]_ **

 

 **Casserole:** Well, that went well

 **Human Disaster:** Someone roll me towards the pie

 **the mom friend:** Tim, you were just saying how you couldn’t take another bite

 **Human Disaster:** That was ten minutes ago!

 **brat:** Good news!

 **brat:** With all our leftovers, we won’t have to make dinner for at least a week or two

 **Casserole:** YUM

 **Casserole:** Thanksgiving leftovers are the best

 **the mom friend:** All of you get over to the couch

 **Casserole:** We watching a movie?

 **brat:** Can we watch Star Wars?

 **Human Disaster:** Seconded, but if anyone presses hard on my stomach, I’ll puke

 **the mom friend:** Poor baby

 **Human Disaster:** Pity me

 **the mom friend:** Come over here, you can lie on top of me

 **Casserole:** Does anyone want popcorn?

 **Human Disaster:** Shut up

 **the mom friend:** Tim just turned green at the mention of food

 **brat:** no popcorn, now come cuddle

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a couple things:  
> \- I'm sorry if Ma Kent is a little out of character. I haven't read much with her, but I've always imagined her to be a sweet but no nonsense old lady. She has no time for Conner's bullshitting, but she loves him.  
> \- I've always imagined that this series takes place a little after the events of Red Robin, so Tim is still angry at Dick for taking Robin away from him and angry at Damian for the repeated murder attempts, but he still cares and is trying to make things work.  
> \- I plan to bring in more Batfam and Kent Family. Don't worry, this will still be a story about the Core4, but I do plan to explore the world a little more.
> 
> Anyway, this end note is too long. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and kudos are appreciated. If you spot any mistakes, that is completely my fault and please point them out. Thank you for reading! Suggestions and ideas are welcome!
> 
> Update as of 3/21/2019  
> I just made the usernames bold and updated the summary to include a link to rRichard's Russian translation of this fic! Other than that nothing's changed.


End file.
